BEM Day 27: 4, 3, 2, 1

Countdowns can be misleading, scary, amazing, exciting, gut wrenching, wonderful...and everything in between. I only have 4 more days until I am a CHS graduate. This, I assure you, is mind blowing. So here's a small countdown of other things...

4 more days of being a high school students

3 more months until I'm in college

2 more days until I have to have my complete summer schedule to the people I'm babysitting for the next month and a half

1 final to take

And there you have it. Weird.


I am...

Listening to: "Mess I Made" by Parachute (stop judging me)
Looking forward to: Being done with high school
Procrastinating: Writing thank you cards...bleh
Thinking about: Summer plans
Wondering: How I'm supposed to have plans for every day this summer for these 2 kids I'm babysitting for...
Reflecting over: How my life is about to drastically change and that I'll need to lean on God like never before

BEM Day 26: The one essay I'm actually proud of

I despise writing essays. I'm not an analytical person (of literature...James Patterson and Rick Riordan books are not literature so I analyze the heck out of those) by any means. Essays require me to think inside a tiny little box with totally correct answers. If I interpret something wrong, the whole thing is wrong. But it's all a matter of how you see it, so how can it be wrong? These are the things I have angst over...

So anyways, I wrote this essay about anything I wanted to write about for my A&M application and just decided to post it. I like it, which is shocking. Like poetry, I'm not normally proud of my essays. But this one is different because it's a little piece of Linley. So, as if you don't get enough little pieces of Linley through this blog, here's my essay about writing.

I love to write.

Interestingly, though, I’m not a very likely candidate to be a writer. I’m kind of loud, fairly outgoing, stumble over my words when I talk, have witty comebacks that come just a few hours too late, have the penmanship of a fourteen-year-old boy, and seemingly do not have the patience to finish a short story, much less a novel.

But maybe those are all the reasons why I am a writer. My loudness and gregarious personality help me to shape characters that are both somewhat similar to me, but also very similar to the shy little girl who I used to be. My diverse range of behaviors through my life helps me to create protagonists (and, if I’m being honest, antagonists) who are accurate and believable. Then there’s my unfortunate inability to get out what I want to say. When I’m excited about something, I talk all too quickly and my words jumble together. There is no “backspace” on life, although I wish there was. Being able to write gives me the ability to flesh out my ideas and thoughts clearly and without any question as to what I’m trying to say. As for the witty retorts, well, I can just use those in writing because they’ve technically never been used before. Though my penmanship is fairly embarrassing on my bad days and still not something to be necessarily proud of on my good days, I find it amusingly ironic and believe that it adds to my overall character. On the plus side, I’ve become a pretty fast typist. And last but not least, the patience problem. Writing is a tedious task that requires huge and overwhelming amounts of patience that I didn’t know I had in me until I sat down at a computer and started writing. Suddenly, three pages turned into thirteen and I had a new chapter on my hands. Thinking out a plot, making characters, determining a resolution, and then going through and editing takes an unbelievable amount time. Yet somehow the patience that likes to hide itself during my math class appears, and I make something from an idea in my head.

I created a blog back in April of 2010. It was initially a way to get myself out into the writing world and maybe become one of those famous bloggers I hear about on the news sometimes. But now it is just a forum for me to write about whatever I feel like writing about. Amazingly, people actually read it. I have three “official” followers that appear on my page but I’ve had friends come up to me in the halls at school or people post on my Facebook and talk about how they read my blog. They say that I have a way with words. To these praises, I say a slightly embarrassed “thank you” but refuse to let it go to my head. My blog is a vessel to be myself in an unscripted and real way, not to show off my abilities.

Maybe my work will be sold in bookstores one day. Maybe it won’t. To be honest, I don’t want accolades or awards for my work, though I won’t refuse them if they’re offered. I write because it feels good, not because it sounds good.   

I am...

Listening to: "She (For Liz)" by Parachute

Looking forward to: Not going to school until 2 tomorrow afternoon

Procrastinating: Unpacking from the lake

Thinking about: How I'm still not over my Parachute obsession

Wondering: How I'm gong to do on my math final...bleh

Reflecting over: Sunsets 

BEM Day 25: The remainder of high school

So, want to know something embarrassing?

I have to take one of my finals. And, of course, it's my 6th period final which is the last final of the last day of school. Why couldn't I have just stayed in 1st period math? Then I would be done with high school on Wednesday. But no. I had to have a semester average two points below the exemption line. ANGST.

Because of this lack of mathematical comprehension, I have to go to school every day next week except Thursday (weird finals schedule...don't ask). But I'll only be at school for one class. Today was my last full day at my high school. Isn't that weird? My mind is kind of boggled right now.

Think about it: I've been one of the big high school girls who looks like she's all put together for four years now. CHS is my home turf and I know my town like the back of my hand. The transition from high school to college is massive and the fact that I'm closing a chapter of my life to open up a new one is kind of frightening but also kind of awesome. It's one of those chapters with this crazy cliffhanger and you're thinking "Shoot! I have to keep reading now!" because you want to know what happens.

But, at the same time, I realize that I'm ready to be done with high school but I'm not quite ready to leave my town. I've lived here for 15 years.

Yes, I know that I'm pretty much echoing myself from half of my other previous posts. The joys of finding different things to blog about every day...

Which brings me to my next confession: I won't be able to blog on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday because I won't have access to the internet. So I'll just do three days in June to make up for it, deal? Don't hate me, reader. I can't help where I have wifi and where I don't.

On a completely unrelated topic, I just convinced my friend that I was moving to San Antonio at the end of June. Classic.

Sorry for how intensely scatterbrained this was.


I am...

Listening to: "She is Love" by Parachute (Yes. I'm addicted.)
Looking forward to: Being at my cousin's lake house this weekend
Procrastinating: Writing more thank you cards
Thinking about: My friends and how hilarious they are
Wondering: How Ben could be so gullible as to believe that I was moving to San Antonio
Reflecting over: The changing times (to be cliche)

BEM Day 24: Bracelets, thank you cards, and the Mavericks

Okay, so I've been trying to get this string bracelet started for about an hour now. I make them on mission trip every year and they are awesome. It's a super intense friendship bracelet in the shape of a V in different colors. Basically, it looks amazing and I'm trying to get one started in A&M colors. It's been rough going and I almost ran out of black string (note to self: go to Michaels and buy more string). But now it's all separated and all I have to do is get everything started so it's smooth (but long) sailing tomorrow at school where I can work on it more. Finals week is great for bracelet making if you just have to be in class and not do anything.

So that's that.

Now I'm looking at the disaster that is my bedroom and surveying the large stack of thank you cards I need to mail and the even larger stack I need to write. Graduation parties are great and the gifts are awesome, but writing thank you notes are a lot more labor intensive than I thought they'd be. So my mom has unofficially grounded me until I can get more of those finished. I have about 40 to write and I've written about 15. Yeah, not a great start but at least it's a start. Maybe I'll write some over Memorial Day weekend. But I probably won't.

But the really exciting news is that the Mavs are headed to the NBA finals! I'm not a huge basketball fan by any stretch of the imagination, but I am excited for my home team. Personally, I think basketball players are punks and have foul language and are just generally disgusting (by far the sweatiest sport...and one of the meanest too). I'm more of a baseball kind of girl. But game 5 was great! Mavs were down most of the game and then they came back and won! Take that, Oklahoma City. The new Red River Shootout has ended with a southern victory. Though, I must admit, game 6 of the ALCS was, without question, better. The Thunder/Mavs rivalry just doesn't compare to the intense hatred Texans have against that team in New York. That win was sweeter, but this win is almost as good.

And there you have it.


I am...

Listening to: "Halfway" by Parachute
Looking forward to: Tomorrow being my last day in government
Procrastinating: Cleaning up all my mess I've made
Thinking about: Does Dallas smell a championship? Don't choke, Mavs
Wondering: What game the Mavs will choke in...because they will. Dallas is notorious for sports asphyxiation
Reflecting over: The fact that I'm going to miss my church so dang much

BEM Day 23: Post senior skip day

Well, today was the day of the awards ceremony and then skip day.

The awards ceremony held nothing surprising. Everyone who I figured would win everything won everything. Shocking, really. Oh wait. Let's just say that I'll be glad to be out of high school to get out of the politics. Thanks, but no thanks.

But it's what happened after the boring ceremony that was really interesting/awesome.

Seven girls (including me) and two moms piled into cars and headed to Eagle Mountain Lake near Fort Worth to my friend Shannon's lake house. We picked up lunch on the way in and had a fantastic afternoon. We swam (yes, the water was freezing), napped, got on a massive float that everyone fit on and slept and tanned some more. It was a struggle to get this massive lounging float out, but it was okay. The afternoon, though it was predicted to be full of storms, was really nice and actually kind of warm. Everyone got a little tan, so that was good. I still have my impressive shorts tan, even though I put tanning lotion on the white part and SPF 70 on the already tan part.

Then, suddenly, at a little after four, it got all cloudy. We showered up a little, braided hair, ate dinner, and started a movie. Then a phone call came from home reporting that a massive wave of storms was about to roll through and we needed to get out of Fort Worth ASAP. We packed in a rush and got on the road again. Behind us, the sky was a ghostly green and weird clouds were forming that looked like they wanted to become tornadoes when they grew up. We were originally headed home but then we just decided to go down I20 and run parallel with the storm. But by the time we landed in Arlington, there were storms surrounding us that all had tornado aspirations. So we did the only logical thing: find a mall. Malls have parking garages. Everyone was keeping contact with home to see what was happening. There was some hail (some very large hail and some very little hail) and a ton of lightning. We'd been driving for about an hour and then we were in the garage for about an hour and a half. We ran into the mall to go to the bathroom at around 9 and then we just...played. We cheered cars on when they came into the garage from the hail. We played "Little Sally Walker". We took tons of pictures and a few videos.

The funny part was that everyone was texting people who had access to the news so we were always getting updates. But a lot of times they contradicted each other... Example:

Shannon: My dad says we can go ahead and start heading home now
Madison: Yeah, my mom thinks we can take highway 360
Victoria: No, wait, my dad just said that 360 is getting hammered
Mrs. Spaans: We can just go through the airport
Me: Nope. Airport is being pounded too. In other news, the Rangers game is being evacuated!
Peyton: What's getting attacked? The airport or 360?
Hannah: Both
Shannon: So...we're stuck?
Mrs. Creel: Looks like it

Yeah, welcome to our lives for about 3 hours altogether. We dubbed ourselves the storm runners.

We made it out, eventually. The lightning was ridiculous but it was pretty cool to watch. When we got to the airport, it started pouring again and didn't stop until we got back to Shannon's house. The streets of our town were flooded and the parking lot of the high school looked like a lake. I had to be really careful on the way home because there were ponds in the middle of the road. And, come to find out, there was a large one in my driveway. It's probably still there now.

It was a great day, really. I loved every minute of it.


I am...

Listening to: "Walls" by The Rocket Summer (acoustic version)
Looking forward to: Only having a few more days of school left
Procrastinating: Getting in the shower
Thinking about: My angst over having to take a final
Wondering: Why it has to be the last final ever of the 2011 school year and why my teacher won't let me take it earlier
Reflecting over: The power of God

BEM Day 22: Senior sort-of skip day

Alright, so here's the deal: my school gives us a senior skip/ditch day. Like, it doesn't count against us as an absence. They practically push us out the door. So it isn't really a "ditch" day if the administers let us go, right?

Yes, welcome to my high school where we are allotted a day to "skip".

But I guess ole CHS wins in the end, because we still have to come for about 3 hours.

Allow me to explain the topsy-turvey-ness of my high school.

Every year, there is this big ceremony for seniors. Basically, everyone who always gets everything anyway get awards at the end of the year. And your average people, like me, don't get any awards. It's that core group of 30 I've talked (okay, ranted) about before who are constantly getting up from their seats and going to get more awards.

I'm not bitter or anything.

Anyways, this ceremony is from 9-11 in the morning and we're required to come or we're counted absent. Yes, the admin takes attendance on senior ditch day. All the normal seniors and the sophomores and juniors who come to the assembly (freshman have to stay in their 2nd period classes...haha) just sit around and are bored. Excellent.

After wanting to beat my head against the wall for about 2 hours, they will finally set us free to do whatever we want with our free afternoon. 6 Flags tickets were sold all last week, but a lot of people aren't going. It'll be crowded and muggy and too expensive. So, instead, I'm going with some friends to a lake house and spending the afternoon there! I'm so excited. Some of the girls that are going are so sweet and beautiful and one of them is going to be my roommate next year at A&M! It'll be a fantastic afternoon/evening. The only bummer is that it will probably rain. Granted, the lake will be pretty chilly because we haven't really had a long stretch of warm weather so we wouldn't swim a lot, but it will just be nice to be outside and out of the city limits. We're bringing movies and games and a desire to talk. Because we're girls. That's what we do.

In completely unrelated news, I went to the Rangers game tonight and both Josh Hamilton AND Nelson Cruz got home runs after being on the disabled list. Way to be, guys. I so love the Rangers with a fiery, unbroken passion.

Yep. So tomorrow's senior semi-skip day should be fun. I'M PUMPED.


I am...

Listening to: "Let You Go" by The Rocket Summer
Looking forward to: SENIOR SKIP DAY
Procrastinating: Cleaning my bed off so I can get in it
Thinking about: The pros of having 2 different translation Bibles. There are many
Wondering: If it'll rain tomorrow...
Reflecting over: The fact that I'm so much of a senior that it's skip day tomorrow...when did this happen, exactly?

BEM Day 21: Strangely stoic?

I cry easily. Music, books, movies, other people who are crying...they get to me. I don't bawl my eyes out, but tears definitely come and my nose gets all red and my eyes get bloodshot.

I also don't like change. Yes, it's absolutely necessary, but I'm a creature of comfort and familiarity. Once I've got a schedule, I like to stick to it. I'd be the world's easiest victim for an agent who was spying on me because I do almost the same thing every day because it's comforting and familiar and safe. Change freaks me out. And what do I do when I get really freaked out?

Cry, naturally.

College is a huge change. The bubble I've lived in for fifteen years is about to be popped in three short months. I'm about to be thrust into an environment that is completely foreign to me. I'll be leaving a large portion of my friends and all my family. I'll be saying good-bye to the streets that I've become so familiar with and have to memorize a whole new layout of a city that I've only ever been to twice.

It's change.

I don't like change.

So why am I so relaxed about it? Why have I not been crying my guts out about leaving everything I've ever known? Why am I not panicked about leaving my friends? Why am I not dreading leaving the safeness of my house and family?

I have no idea. 


Every fiber of me is saying that something is wrong. Something inside of me is messed up because I've only shed a handful of tears so far about leaving.

Today was the big send-off for the senior class of 2011 at my church. We were prayed over twice (in both services) and I only cried at the end of the second service. The sick part? I tried to make myself cry because I thought it was the right thing to do. I felt like I should be crying and not just sitting there. My friend was crying next to me. So why wasn't I? That's so unlike me.

But here's a scary thought: What if I'm actually ready?

What if I'm totally ready emotionally to go to college and be three hours away from everything that I have now?

It seems unlikely. But then again...


I am...

Listening to: "Carolina" by Matt Wertz
Looking forward to: The Rangers game tomorrow! Claws and antlers!!!
Procrastinating: Thank you cards...I already took a shower
Thinking about: How confused I am by my own brain
Wondering: Am I actually ready for college?
Reflecting over: God's plan

BEM Day 20: Yep. Still here.

Harold Camping has to feel REALLY awkward right about now.

I mean, this is his SECOND failed Rapture prediction. I read somewhere that his organization spent over $82 million to broadcast the Rapture. People gave away their life savings and sold their homes and resigned themselves to hearsay. What these so called "Christians" forgot was that God is unpredictable and when He says that no one will know the date of His returning, He means no one. He would not leave us hints or little clues to figure out when He's returning. That would therefore mean that part of the Bible isn't true and then call the whole book into question.

You think God would undermine His own decrees?

My guess would be no.

I put the term Christians in quotation marks above because you cannot possibly be close to God and far from His word. By believing in a false prophet, these people strayed from the path of the Lord but believed they hadn't. You can't claim to be in touch with Him when you don't know what you're talking about if it pertains to Him. The Bible is not a work of fiction (contrary to what some may think); you can't just add to it or ignore pieces of it like they don't matter. Even all the weird stuff in some of the Old Testament books are there for a reason (to understand the past or history or whatever).

Yeah, I realize that I'm kind of tearing into this and ripping apart this whole Rapture prediction situation, but the fact that every single God-praising and Christ-following person I know is still around is further testimony to the fact that you can't believe everyone who waves a Bible and claims to have direct conversation with God.

Don't get me wrong: I would've been thrilled if God had actually come back today. I don't know if I would've realized what was happening (heaven is way too far beyond the grasps of my brain) but it would have be been sweet. Eternity with the one who loves me most? Yes please! But the fact of the matter is that we don't know when that will happen; we just need to be ready at all times.

So yes. As far as I'm concerned, this is all I'm saying about the Rapture 2011...or lack thereof.


I am...

Listening to: "Word Play" by Jason Mraz
Looking forward to: Senior Sunday tomorrow!
Procrastinating: Writing thank you cards...bleh
Thinking about: How I wish I could sing
Wondering: What ole Harold Camping is up to right now
Reflecting over: My mysterious God

BEM Day 19: 19 irrelevant thoughts

1. Being 19 years old is really awkward. Why? Because you aren't the cool "Wow, you're 18!" but you aren't the "Wow...you're 20." oldness yet. You're the weird middle phase.

2. I'd really like to see Harry Potter 7 part 2 before the Rapture.

3. I'll be that college student buying books for middle school boys.

4. When I told my friend that I'd never broken a bone, he didn't believe me because of how clumsy I am.

5. My obsession with Parachute hasn't ended yet

6. I need Chacos. Right now.

7. This is the fourth battery my phone has had. Something is clearly amiss with my phone.

8. I always miss 11:11 and can, therefore, never make a wish. I always look at 11:12

9. If I hear someone throwing up, I will probably throw up too

10. Pens have a knack for disappearing

11. Having to take just one final is embarrassing

12. I'll be 20 years old in 6 months

13. I'm in the yearbook 7 times this year. That's a win.

14. Senior year has flown by

15. I want to be in an anti-gravity room at some point in my life

16. I will still be on this earth in 24 hours. The Rapture will probably not happen.

17. Songs that change halfway through either work out really well or not at all

18. If I could change one thing about my appearance, it would be changing my eyes from brown to green

19. I've never been able to do a cartwheel


I am...

Listening to: "American Secrets" by Parachute
Looking forward to: Still May 22nd
Procrastinating: Cleaning my bed off...and showering
Thinking about: Everything I need to get before college
Wondering: When I'm going to learn how to do laundry
Reflecting on: The promises of God

BEM Day 18: May 21st is (probably) NOT Judgement Day

Alright, so there's been a bunch of hubbub about May 21st (as in, Saturday) being Judgement Day/Rapture. You know, when Jesus calls all those who truly believe Him to be the Son of God to heaven.

Before I say anything else, let us direct our attention to Matthew.

The first book of the New Testament tells us TWICE that we can't possibly know the day that Christ is coming back.

"No one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father." Matthew 24:36.

Catch that? Not only will be angels--the very beings who serve God--be taken by surprise, but Jesus doesn't even know when He'll be sent down. I imagine the scene like this: God looks to Jesus and says to very simple words: "It's time." Very dramatic and intense and Jesus knows exactly what to do. That would be TV worthy. Anyways.

Then, there's... "Therefore keep watch, because you do not know on what day your Lord will come." Matthew 28:42

"Keep watch" does not mean "make a bunch of calculations from the book of Daniel" like what the guy who is predicting all of this did. In case he hasn't noticed, God cannot be calculated. And just the whole last part of the verse. We don't know. We can't predict. I can't guarantee that the rapture is going to go down on Saturday, but it seems highly unlikely. God does what He wants to do. He runs on no schedule, timeline, calculator, or prediction. He is wrapped in mystery. You can't possibly know when Christ comes back. The Bible reminds us of that twice.

Now, the people who really believe that they're peacing out on Saturday are saying "Noah knew! Why shouldn't we?!" Noah as in the dude who built an ark and rounded up all the animals of the world and floated for forty days. Noah as in the guy who literally had direct conversation with God. Noah who heard God physically speak to him. Honestly, for this guy to relate himself to Noah is kind of insulting. Noah was a true man of the Lord. Plus, the world was a lot smaller then. Now, I'm not saying that God can't come to people now and tell them, but if Jesus doesn't even know until right before it's happening, then why should man? It's not logical.

But here are a few things that are supposed to happen pre-rapture:

1. Anti-Christ. Aren't Christians supposed to know who he is by now? If Judgement Day is so imminent?

2. The sun is supposed to be darkened. And no, I don't think cloud coverage counts.

3. Stars are supposed to fall from the sky. Haven't heard of any meteor showers yet. How about you?

4. The moon will turn red. I mean, it was orange the other night but I somehow doubt that counts either.

Basically, what I'm saying is that the rapture could happen on Saturday, just like it could happen in five minutes or in fifty years. We don't know. We should be living every day like it is our last day and like Christ is about to pull us up to heaven.

That same passage in Matthew also tells us to not stumble into the words of false prophets.

So that's just my two cents. Go read Matthew 24 and learn. Know your beliefs.


I am...

Listening to: "Forget You" by Cee Lo Green
Looking forward to: May 22nd
Procrastinating: Shower
Thinking about: How context is very important
Wondering: Who these Judgement Day predictors think they are
Reflecting over: The words of my Savior

BEM Day 17: Mawwiage

So, exciting news in the life of Linley...

I'M GETTING MARRIED!

Oh wait, no, I don't have a boyfriend, much less a fiancee. And I'm 19 years old and haven't graduated high school. Marriage is fairly unlikely right now.

BUT I am going to be in a wedding in December. I'm going to be a bridesmaid for the first time ever. I've been a flower girl about six hundred times (actually just 3 times) but this is big. I get to go to the parties and be in the know and hold flowers and be escorted by someone and take pictures and be next to Megan (the one who is getting married) during the whole wedding! Maybe I'll even catch the bouquet, so marriage will be slightly more likely for me in the future. But I'm not putting money on it. The marriage being soon part, anyway. I'm getting that bouquet.

Megan informed me that this is going to just be a pretty casual, very fun wedding. Instead of cake, her fiancee is having a giant thing of Dippin' Dots. I'll pick out my own dress of just a shade of blue that I like that's not a gown and something that I'll probably wear again. This is going to be so much fun. It'll be different and I think it'll be awesome.

So, go Megan and Micah for thinking outside of the box. Y'all rock.

YAY FOR WEDDINGS!


I am...

Listening to: "Kiss Me Slowly" by Parachute (Yep. Still obsessed.)
Looking forward to: Uhh, the wedding. Except it's not until December. Too far away!
Procrastinating: Memorizing my profile for this mock trial I'm "testifying" in
Thinking about: How I need to stop listening to so much Parachute. But I just can't help it!
Wondering: How many times I'll have to tweet them for them to retweet/follow me.
Reflecting on: Marriage and music. Not together--separate reflections

BEM Day 16: Parachute post

Now that I've had about 24 hours to listen to "The Way It Was" as much as I possibly can, I want to give you, reader, an initial rating of my favorite songs so far. YOU should check them out. They're kind of like The Script but distinctly their own too. Anyways, here is my list of all the songs in order of my favorites. I love all of them, but, of course, I have my favorites. Here we go.

1. What I Know

2. White Dress

3. Forever And Always

4. Kiss Me Slowly

5. You And Me

6. Halfway

7. Something To Believe In

8. American Secrets

9. Philadelphia


So, I'm going to just refer to the songs by their initials but in order. So don't get confused.

WIT and WD are constantly changing positions. I really can't decide. FAA is that really sad song...but I'm obsessed with it. It's been stuck in my head all day. KMS is a sweet, sweet song. I so love that song. YAM (haha, yam...anyways) is about stealing things but it just sounds so good. Halfway is a great, upbeat song. It comes best after FAA because it lightens the mood. STBI was the first song from this album that I heard. It holds a special place in my heart. AS is the longest and pretty diverse. The mood changes in the last two minutes and I love that. It's good texture. Philadelphia is a slow, sweet song that I really like, but isn't the best.

Parachute, it hurts my soul that you aren't coming to Texas at all this summer. But I have already recorded the Leno show with you on it. Please, Thursday, get here now. I need to watch the guy I've waffled with be on national TV. Remember that magic moment, Will?

I'm SO creepy.


I am...

Listening to: "White Dress" by Parachute (wow, shocker)
Looking forward to: Senior skip day next Tuesday
Procrastinating: Writing thank you cards...and showering
Thinking about: How terribly creepy I am
Wondering: How I don't like poetry but am good at writing it. Maybe it's because I have so much angst
Reflecting over: Compliments. They really can improve someone's day

BEM Day 15: The little things in life

Hi. So lately I've been really cuing in on the little things of life that are either small victories or small losses. The key word being "small". Yeah, yeah, things add up, I know. But let's do some math. This is the ONLY time I'll want to voluntarily do math, reader, so consider yourself lucky that I'm mapping this out for you.

Pluses.

1. PARACHUTE'S ALBUM CAME OUT TODAY!

2. I have 2 more weeks of high school

3. My graduation party was like Christmas and my birthday.

4. The weather has been absolutely perfect lately

5. I'm almost done writing in senior journals

6. I'm going to ace my math test tomorrow

7. In a car accident that could've been really bad, my friend just broke her thumb

8. I might be able to use my cousin's lake house on senior skip day

9. I finally have time to finish reading a book I bought 3 weeks ago

Minuses:

1. I just started crying during a song on Parachute's album. Yes, the same song from a few days ago. At least I'm in my room and not, say, in a classroom full of seventh graders.

2. Castle ended tonight with a MAJOR cliffhanger

3. My friend was in a car wreck

4. I only have 7 more days at my middle school I student teach at

5. I'm still nice and burnt...and peeling!

Total:

Pluses: 9

Minuses: 5

I think we have a clear winner. Obviously, my life is way good. Sometimes it just takes adding things up  to see what I really need to be paying attention to.


I am...

Listening to: "American Secrets" by Parachute
Looking forward to: Handing in my project in English tomorrow--2nd to last one EVER in AP English
Procrastinating: Can you guess? Showering. And now it's a shower in the dark because the light burned out
Thinking about: How I like it when songs aren't titled the name of the album but when they are incorporated into songs
Wondering: Why Parachute only sings about blue-eyed girls. Brown eyes are just as pretty, dang it!
Reflecting over: The power of music

BEM Day 14: Good vs. Evil

So I had to pretty much write a thesis this semester and read three pieces of literature that sort of pertained to my thesis. I studied good vs. evil and it was actually kind of interesting. At the end of the study, I had to do some creative piece that maximized my talents and I was going to write this epic metaphor piece about stars and shadows duking it out but then suddenly it was midnight the day before it was due (tomorrow) and I nixed that idea in favor of a poem.

I'm not a poet (and I know it) but sometimes I whip out something that I don't want to cringe at and delete faster than I can say "yikes!" This is one of those times. So, enjoy my poem about good vs. evil, reader. I may have written it for Mrs. Pearce originally, but know that I find your opinions more worthy of my writing than hers. Maybe that will teach her to actually give me some feedback on my essays every once in a while.

Okay, getting off the soapbox now. Here's the poem.

The Battle

Prepare to fight

Two sides oppose

No victor tonight

Yet the war grows

Purity and goodness

Choose a clean path,

While evil and darkness

Unleash their wrath

From the beginning of time

The temptations of a fruit

Condemnation now forever mine

The world to loot

The fall of man

Through the ages

From paradise we ran

Evil wrought the pages

Sometimes good wins

The hero on his mount

But evil cuts deeper than the skin

So only the wins we count

Life and resurrection

The good in mankind

But death and destruction

Will stay for all time

I am...

Listening to: "Stuck Like Glue" by Sugarland
Looking forward to: My legs being less red/painful
Procrastinating: Can you guess? The howersay
Thinking about: How this is kind of my last piece of critical thinking in high school English
Wondering: How I want to be a creative writing major if I don't really like poetry
Reflecting over: My life as a student at CHS and how it's flown by. Weirdness

BEM Day 13: Pre-party madness

So my house has kind of become a jungle of food, serving dishes, and pictures lately. My huge graduation party is tomorrow (130+ people were invited) and my mom has been going nuts with all the preparations. We've used and reused so many dishes in the past 24 hours and have expired a few sponges cleaning off the dishes so that they can be put back in action. It's ridiculous. My mom has been a rockstar though and has done almost everything. Basically, I've been errand girl and dish washer. But all the cooking and aesthetics go to my mom and aunt.

The house is going to look great. Flowers and pictures and delicious food will be everywhere. I'm so excited for it. The backyard looks fantastic (thanks to my dad and brother) and the day promises to be sunny with a high of 72. Perfect mingling weather.

The only downside is that I'm still the color of my salmon colored shorts and this probably won't change anytime soon. Bummer.

Otherwise, this is going to be a great party. And, call me crazy, I kind of want someone to be pushed in the pool. How great of a story would that be? I mean, as long as I'm not the one taking an unlikely swim.

Anyways.


I am...

Listening to: "Beloved" by Tenth Avenue North
Looking forward to: My partay
Procrastinating: The terrible thing called the shower. My legs still burn!!!
Thinking about: How sunscreen is my friend
Wondering: WHEN THIS PAIN WILL CEASE
Reflecting over: The words of this song. Check it out, all you ladies. And dudes who want to find a good lady

BEM Day 12: Bring in the dancing lobsters.

Catch that "The Amanda Show" reference? If yes, please leave a comment/write on my Facebook wall. If no, then shame be upon your face! Just look it up on youtube and be happy/educated.

Anyways, this post has nothing to do with lobsters other than the fact that I look like one, except with brown  hair and t-shirt and shorts tan lines. Impressive ones too. They are extremely embarrassing and I'm praying that they go away before Sunday afternoon. I really don't want to be the Red Wonder at my own graduation party. Ugh.

So yes. I'm extra crispy.

Here's the officially analysis:

1. Half my thigh to my ankle is burned.

2. My cheeks and nose are pretty bad.

3. My arms go from stark white to frighteningly red with no transition. It's the classic t-shirt tan.

I'm just in a lot of pain right now. I'm going to require a lot of lotion and moisturizer. And the shower is going to hurt so badly.

So how did I get so well done? I went to field day at a local elementary school and was on top of a large inflatable from 1-3 in the afternoon with that famous Texas sun right on top of me. The actual field day was a blast. Because I was at the top of the water slide, I determined when the children would go. My friend and I decided on a password and told the kids. We made the password animals and so, naturally, they had to make the animal sounds. The best were the chicken and the elephant. It was quite hilarious. I also spoke in a British accent and had most of them believing that it was my real voice. Classic.

Earlier in the morning, I was also signed up for the dunk tank. You know, that thing where one person sits on the little board and when the button is hit with a ball (or someone's hand...), the person on the board drops into the water. Yeah, I was that person for fifteen minutes. And, I assure you, it was a long fifteen minutes. The water was warm because it had come out of the hot water from the school's kitchen. But once you were in the water, you wanted to stay in the water because it was way warmer than the air. I wanted those kids to hit the button. A few girls were standing next to the tank and one of them said, "Hurry, someone hit it so that she stops shivering!" It was pretty sweet. After being dunked multiple times, I grabbed my extra clothes and went to the bathrooms to wring myself out and change.

Aside from being burnt to a crisp and inhaling a bunch of water, it was a good day. A really good day. But I'm definitely a middle school teacher, not an elementary school teacher. This much I have learned.


I am...

Listening to: "Your Love is a Song" by Switchfoot (again)
Looking forward to: My sunburn being gone
Procrastinating: Taking a shower because the pain is only going to increase
Thinking about: Sleeeeeeeeeeeeep
Wondering: Why I didn't put on sunscreen this morning
Reflecting over: The intense love I have for my friends

BEM Day 11: Technology angst. A list.

So yesterday, blogspot was down so I couldn't post. It was a major bummer because I couldn't do BEM, but I feel like an exception could be made because it wasn't my fault. I was going to rant about how I'm over senior year, but now I have something else to talk about.

Technology. You literally can't go without it. You're using it to read this blog. Unfortunately, technological devices and I have a troubled past. Here's how...

1. Viruses attacked my Dell. It was like the bubonic plague, AIDS, and the Spanish influenza all decided to join forces on my computer.

2. I still don't know how to use everything on my Mac and I've had it for almost 6 months.

3. I needed help signing into school computers until I was in 5th grade

4. Any publishing program other than Microsoft is a mystery to me.

5. I hate making movies because I don't know how to edit anything.

6. Uploading pictures still fascinates me

7. I had issues working my mom's Nook. Hence why I don't have one.

8. I have no idea how to make the playstation play movies.

9. I struggle with regular DVD players

10. For a long time, I was happy with just my ghetto iPod mini while Tanner always had the latest Apple whatever.

Are you surprised that I ended my list on an even normal? I'm impressed with myself. Anyways.


I am...

Listening to: "Daisy" by Switchfoot
Looking forward to: My graduation party on Sunday
Procrastinating: Getting in the shower (next post will explain why)
Thinking about: Sleeping
Wondering: If Josh Hamilton will be back by May 23rd...
Reflecting over: "Daisy". It was kind of my life for over half of junior year.

BEM Day 10: GOT 'EM.

Remember yesterday when I said that I was nervous about getting/not getting this scholarship from my church that I really wanted?

Turns out God just took care of that!

Yes, I did get the scholarship. I was one of four students who it was awarded to (I really want to know who else got it...). It is just such an overwhelming sense of relief to know that part of my college is being paid for. God's got a master plan. Ah, it just feels so good to know that I got it.

So, God, thank you. Even in this gloomy weather and stressful time in my life, there is always reason to rejoice, a fact that I frequently forget. I have been blessed so many times over. The past few weeks and the upcoming few weeks are going to be stressful out of my mind. I only have about 2 more weeks of high school left, which is terrifying but really exciting too.

But today is a good day because it is a day that the Lord has made. And all God's people said...AAAA-MEN!


I am...

Listening to: "Ghost" by Parachute
Looking forward to: 180 tonight
Procrastinating: Taking a small nap
Thinking about: How it's my second-to-last 180 ever
Wondering: Who else got the scholarship...
Reflecting over: That today was crafted by the One who has perfect workmanship

BEM Day 9: Nervous. Excited. Frustrated. Sad. More excited.

No intro for this one. These are just my current emotions. 

Nervous. Did I get this scholarship that I really want? Will I be able to survive these last few weeks of school? Will I get all weepy? Will I stay in contact with all my friends? Will I trip at graduation? 

Excited. Parachute just released their album to just listen to on this one website and it comes out in a week. I only have 17 more days of high school. I'm not going to read a required reading book for the first time ever and I'm excited to break the rules. 

Frustrated. My students are talking too much and it's frustrating me. Parachute's album was supposed to come out in March. I still have to suffer through 17 more days of school. I'm dead center in the alphabet, so I'll have momentary excitement halfway through graduation and then be bored again. 

Sad. I'm about to leave everything I've ever known. I just listened to a really sad song. 

More excited. I'm about to start a whole new chapter in my life. I'm a part of the fightin' Aggie class of 2015. My duties of being errand girl are almost over. 

I am...

Listening to: The sounds of my students talking when they aren't supposed to be

Looking forward to: Getting to listen to Parachute's whole album

Procrastinating: Telling my students to stop talking

Thinking about: That really sad song

Wondering: How it is possible that a song can make me cry so easily

Reflecting over: Uhh...that song. "Forever and Always" by Parachute

BEM Day 8: Things I'm grateful for

I feel like I've griped so much lately and just been a grumpy person. For that, I apologize. Life is seriously so crazy and sometimes it's just too easy to focus on the bad and the hectic. But today, I'm not going to. I have enough to complain about, I assure you (meaningless work in ready set teach, still more work in English, book to read, etc) but that's all I'm going to say about those particular issues. So here are my top 10 things that I'm most grateful for.

1. The fact that I am loved and cherished by Jesus Christ.

2. I have a family who would do just about anything for me.

3. My church community

4. All my amazing friends

5. Love.

6. Music

7. Laughter

8. Books. And people who write books

9. Teachers

10. Role models

Yeah, I just got sappy. Deal with it.


I am...

Listening to: "Colorful" by Rocco de Loca + The Burden
Looking forward to: Going home and watching Project Runway
Procrastinating: Doing a page-long summary about Ron Clark's rules
Thinking about: How I need to watch some more ER
Wondering: If I'll ever get an iPhone...
Reflecting over: Still kind of baffled that I'm almost done with my senior year

BEM Day 7: Happy mother's day!

You have a mom.

In some way, shape, or form, you have a mother figure.

She may annoy the heck out of you sometimes (mine does). She may make unreasonable demands about the cleanliness of your bedroom (mine DEFINITELY does). And she may be really fun to mess with (mine so is). Even if your mom isn't overly fantastic, or even around, you have someone in your life who is kind of a mom to you.

But I want to praise my mom, because Lord knows she doesn't get enough of it.

She is fearless. She is a woman of God. She is talkative--especially when she gets nervous. She is scary when she's angry. She has power over my social life. She and I look a lot alike. She is your cliche involved Baptist woman at the church. She is embarrassed easily. She can throw parties and is a great hostess. She claims to not be as goofy as I am, but she is. She gets mad at me for not turning on my blinker or stopping for the full three seconds at a stop sign, but she doesn't do either of those all the time either. She makes the best spaghetti ever. She hates shopping. She has a memorable laugh. She has great taste in clothes, TV shows, and people. She could make friends with a rock. She's easy to get along with. She and my dad were made for each other. She is obsessed with her iPhone. She gets frustrated easily but smiles easily too. She is one of my top role models. She's loving. She's awesome. Love you, Mom. I'll miss you next year.


I am...

Listening to: "Strings" by Greg Holden
Looking forward to: Going home and eating some dinner
Procrastinating: Losing my alone time
Thinking about: How I only have a meager 19 days left of high school.
Wondering: Who will win The Amazing Race...finale tonight!
Reflecting over: My mother

BEM Day 6: Too much is happening.

So I just got this massive packet of stuff from A&M. It gave me a bunch of information about my New Student Conference, which is where I sign up for classes and get my student ID and a sports pass and all that stuff.

The packet thoroughly overwhelmed me. Now I'm stressing out because I've got just too much happening. Thankfully, the conference is early in the summer, so I get a lot of that out of the way before I go to college.

But this whole pre-NSC/college situation has me all freaked out.

Uh, hello again angst. You have returned with a vengeance.

So, this will be a short post, but if you guys could pray for me while I try to make sense of all of this nonsense, that would be fantastic. Because I'm just stressing a lot and feeling really overwhelmed about life and this wild transition that I'm about to undergo.


I am...

Listening to: "Feels So Right" by Matt Wertz
Looking forward to: Being done with NSCs
Procrastinating: Cleaning my room
Thinking about: How college has me all freaked out
Wondering: If the rest of my life will be this stressful
Reflecting over: The freedom I'm going to feel when all of this is taken care of

BEM Day 5. Whatcha think?

So I've been jamming on this novel I've been writing lately and want to show you, reader, some of it. You should feel special. Here's the premise:

6 kids are pronounced dead but secretly alive and hidden in a lab in NYC. They're given super abilities. Now they have escaped from the lab but need to get back at the man who hurt them. One of them is a mole for the man. One is bent on destruction of the man regardless of circumstances. One is emotionally scarred and fragile. All are lost, confused, and legally dead. So here's an excerpt:

The two looked like a duck had just explained calculus to them. And, in their bewilderment, I sent this huge machine—I have no idea what it’s called or what it does—flying at them from across the room. They went down fast and hard. I was rather impressed with myself, actually. I’d been emotionally and physically drained and I could still do that with no problem. Amazing.

                  I yanked the IV from my arm, wincing, and cradled my broken arm next to my chest as I leapt up from the bed. Marcy’s face was bleeding badly and she was knocked out. Peter Taylor was trapped under the machine, unable to push it off of him. He was yelling for help but I, mercilessly, kicked him in the side of his head. I felt bad for a split second. Then I looked at my arm. Regret over.

                  As I entered the hallway, I heard more yelling by some familiar voices. One of the linebackers who frequently held me down was writhing on the floor in invisible pain.

                  “Where is Carter?” someone growled in an ominously dark voice.

                  “Don’t…know…didn’t…tell us…STOP!” screamed the linebacker, his voice breaking.

                  I tried to run, but my body still ached, so an awkward jog had to suffice.

                  And there he was. Tyler’s normally calm face was the picture of anger and revenge. He looked almost murderous.

                  “Ty?” I asked hesitantly.

                  His fierce expression broke when he saw me standing with a cast on my arm and shorts and a t-shirt. The linebacker relaxed, panting and dry heaving.

                  “Carter? Carter! Oh man. You’re here. You’re not dead. Guys! Hey, everyone, I found her!” Tyler yelled behind him.

                  Drew, Ella, Holly, and Grayson came running around the corner, Drew absently kicking some obscure nurse I’d never seen before to the side. They grabbed me in a hug and I winced, my arm being smashed, but I didn’t really care. They were here. They were here to save me. We were back together after nearly a month of sheer hell.

So that's that. Sparked your interest? I won't be offended if you say no. Okay, maybe a little. Yep. 

Yes, this is me cheating on the blogging every day thing. Shhhh, don't tell the blog police. 

Also, Carter is a girl. Not a guy. 

I am...

Listening to: "When A Heart Breaks" by Ben Rector

Looking forward to: All my graduation parties tomorrow. I think I have 4...

Procrastinating: Sleeping. I took a 2 hour nap earlier today

Thinking about: My grades. I really don't want to take any finals...I don't think I'll have to. That's a "Linley-getting-good-grades" win

Wondering: When I'm going to get more than 8 hours of sleep in a night...

Reflecting over: The words of this song. I'm pretty sure you need Jesus all the time, Ben. 

BEM Day 4. Let it fly.

Ever have those dreams where you feel like you're flying and then, all of a sudden, you just fall? And right when you hit the ground, your whole body practically convulses and your eyes fly open and your heart is pounding and you're sweating and then you're grossed out by your sweat and freaked out by the fact that your dream self just died.

Maybe that's just me, but I have those dreams kind of a lot. Probably once a month. Yeah yeah, in one falling dream per thirty sleeps is a pretty good record, but it's the unexpectedness that scares you. The jolt that brings you back to consciousness.

The part that annoys me, though, is not the fact that I'm from "falling". It's the fact that I don't know what I was doing before I fell, other than flying. So here's my wannabe dream. Here's what I want to have happen before the startling self-wakeup:


It's effortless.

Purely effortless.

A gentle but constant wind blows on your face as you carve out your own space in the sky, flying like you've been flying for years.

In reality, this is the first time you've ever taken on the air like this. You've skipped and hopped before, getting no more than six feet off the ground before you get pushed around by the wind or lose your stamina or, the worst, get scared.

But today, you decided that it was now or never.

You aren't exactly sure what made you make this decision. Maybe it's because you just want to prove to yourself that you can fight the wind and beat it. Maybe because you've been working out and want to test out your new strength in a real way (flying will do that). Maybe it's to conquer the fear that constantly lurks in the back of your mind.

You start to run, getting ready for take off. You are literally seconds from leaping into the air when you hear the doubts start taking over your mind.

You will fail it whispers in a ghostly voice. You will crash and burn. And no one will care.


Shaking your head, you try to get a song stuck in your head or recall a conversation...anything to get the voice to leave. But nothing is working.

Don't even try. You'll look like a fool.


Gritting your teeth, you try to block it out.

Failure it hisses. Weak, fearful, incapable.

The words cut like daggers and you trip over your own foot, looking like an idiot, and fall on your face. The voice was right--you do look like a fool with dirt all over your face. But you refuse to let this figment of your own imagination ruin this. You are determined. You will fly.

Getting back on your feet, you look ahead. You hadn't noticed this before, but you're on a dirt road somewhere in west Texas. It's one of those old state highways, the ones that just go straight for miles upon miles. It's the perfect liftoff place.

You start to run again. The song "Burn Out Bright" (by Switchfoot) is in your head now. It pumps you up, gets you excited and ready. Your legs are pumping under you and you feel like the ground is propelling you along, like it wants you to get airborne. You give one mighty leap and spread your arms out to the side like bird wings.

And just like that, you start to fly.

To get higher, you tilt your body at an angle and pull your arms to your sides. You're rocketing into the air. You feel invincible.

Who is the failure now? You think snidely and smile to yourself.

Deciding that you were high enough, you start to level out. The land squares of west Texas are visible and you really are flying. It's as easy as breathing. You feel free. Life is easier up in the sky. Closing your eyes, you feel peaceful and strong, like you could live in this moment forever and be happy. The sun warms your back and the wind pulls through your hair and tickles your outstretched arms.

Everything is right.


That's how I wish my dreams ended. There isn't that feeling of "Oh my gosh I almost just died" and the jolt is nonexistent. When you wake up from those, you know that you are very much alive because your heart is pounding so hard. But flying is being alive too.

Why can't we feel that alive instead of the scary alive?

But what do you think is more accurate to true life?


I am...

Listening to: "The Beat" by Ben Rector and then "Gravity" by John Mayer (the song changed)
Looking forward to: Getting in bed at a semi-reasonable hour
Procrastinating: Nothing. I don't have anything else to be doing (besides sleeping, but that doesn't count)
Thinking about: How I'm so intensely glad that tomorrow is Friday
Wondering: If I'm going to get an interview for a scholarship I applied for.
Reflecting over: The song "Gravity". John Mayer speaks to my soul.

BEM Day 3. Suddenly overwhelmed.

So, I thought that I would have a chill night. I'm not taking an AP test in the morning. Senior year only has 21 days left in it. Life is good. No stress, right?

Wrong.

My mom informed me today that I would need to get all my pictures organized and put on a disk. It's 11:57 now. She told me this at about 10 tonight. Great, thanks Mom. So that's what I've been up to. And then I have a math quiz tomorrow and homework (since when do I have homework?). Life all of a sudden got a little crazy with all this senior stuff.

Color me overwhelmed.

On an more upbeat note, my friend finally posted a video to my Facebook page--something he's been promising to do for about 4 months now. His excuse was that he was in a cast and couldn't, therefor, hold a camera. Lame. But he got out of the cast and posted this hilarious video to my profile. If you happen to be friends with me on the book of faces, check it out. Then you will understand why he and I are friends. And today during 180, we had a great worship session. I love 180.

But now that it is slightly past midnight and I have a quiz to study for, I shall end this post before the ramblings become even more painful.

I am...

Listening to: "Fight Another Day" by Brandon Heath
Looking forward to: Being done with graduation party stuff
Procrastinating: Studying for my quiz
Thinking about: How comfortable my bed is and how I'm excited for sleep
Wondering: How did senior year go so impossibly fast?
Reflecting over: The song "Jesus Paid It All". Good stuff, right there.

Blog Er'ryday May. BEM. Day 2. Throwback music thoughts.

So, about a million years ago, my friend burned me this CD with a bunch of FM Static songs on it. FM Static was big in the late 1990s/early 2000s. Good stuff. Early tonight, I had to run a few errands (okay fine, so I was getting the new Rick Riordan book and contact solution...those are in order of priority level) and was listening to the CD. Like it I said, it was probably the first mix CD I ever got. Ancient history, back in the days of 6th grade and fashionable Hollister shirts.

But, as I jam, there was this one line that really stuck out to me in the song "Crazy Mary". The line is "she can run, but let's teach her how to walk away." Translation: She can run away from whatever she thinks is bad for her, but she can't say "no" to (insert destructive action here).  I can't lie, it sticks out for some reason. I've heard this song a hundred times or more but I never really payed attention to that line. And it's the most important line in the song.


If we're honest with ourselves, we realize that we run from too much. I run from rejection. If I feel like there's a chance I'm going to get hurt because someone doesn't want to talk to me or hang out or whatever, I flee like the little girl I not-so-secretly am. I haul tail away from that relationship and pull myself back--fast. Some people run from truth; they're afraid that someone will tell them what they're doing is seriously wrong, so they try to escape. Others run from themselves. They put on the smile and pretend that everything is all hunky-dorey but are torn up inside. Yeah, I speak from experience. The truth thing, not so much. But trying to run from myself...uh, yes. Welcome to all of middle school and a fair portion of high school. Pesky insecurities. Always cropping up.

So I know how to run. Metaphorically. Spiritually. Emotionally. Not so much physically.

But teaching someone how to walk away? That's something entirely different.

Think about it. "Running away" has a fairly negative connotation, does it not? If they run from their fears, they're cowards. But if they "walk away" from something that's hindering them, that gets a big thumbs-up from people. Like, "Oh, good! He's walking away from the alcohol!" or "Look at her! She's walking away from that boyfriend--he's been so bad to her." We're praised for that, and rightfully so. Stepping away from something, anything, like that is an accomplishment. But, as we all know, some people can't stop.

Everyone says you need to walk before you can run. I disagree. Sometimes, you have to sprint before you can slow down. When babies learn to walk, they normally don't take slow, measured steps, do they? Absolutely not. They take rushed, clumsy steps. Once they can stay on their feet, they rarely slow down to walk. Either they run or they stand. There's no in-between.

Humans are runners. We book it when something we don't like is going down. We don't like to walk away from something that we like but that may not be good for us. It's against our nature.

The end.

I am...

Listening to: "Crazy Mary" by FM Static
Looking forward to: Actually reading Rick Riordan's book instead of just staring at it on my nightstand
Procrastinating: Taking a shower...again.
Thinking about: Percy Jackson. Yes, the book character. I just finished rereading the series and came close to tears. He's on the mind.
Wondering: Why it takes me so long and so much motivation to just get in the dang shower.
Reflecting over: Senior year. 23 more school days until graduation.

Belated goal. Blog Er'ryday May.

So you might remember my fail of a 30 day blog challenge a few months ago. The idea of the challenge was to blog every day--not just whenever I felt like blogging. That kind of defeated the purpose. I've never been good with following directions that weren't vital.

Yes, I realize that I'm rambling.

Anyways, I have decided to make my own blog challenge to consistently blog every day for all of May, which I'm calling Blog Er'ryday May. Because I'm such a gangsta. You know, those white girls in the middle-upper class. So gangsta. Watch out for my crew and me. We'll cut you. I make that threat all the time. Have I followed through with it? Nope. My cutting someone consists of slapping them weakly because I don't actually want to hurt anyone. That would be mean.

This is how I blog after I watch Toby Turner on Youtube, apparently. If you don't know who Toby Turner is, I would highly recommend you look him up. He's hilarious.

Alright, this idea of blogging every day with a catchy name for this daily blog was inspired by my friend Sarah. Check out her blog too! http://sincerelysarahliz.blogspot.com/ and I really liked that idea of self-driven blogging with your own topics that come to you in the spur of the moment. Then at the end of every day, she had a consistent count of something. So I'll do that too, because it sounds cool.

Today's post? Explaining the next posts for the rest of May. Kind of a strange topic: blogging about blogging. Roundabout? Yes. So here's where we begin, blog readers (should any readers exist). With a potential misadventure.

And now for the constants:

I am...

Listening to: "For the First Time" by The Script.
Looking forward to: Tomorrow's field trip to a Renaissance Festival with the middle school I student teach at.
Procrastinating: Taking a shower.
Thinking about: How the dentist was rough with my teeth and now they hurt.
Wondering: If Rick Riordan's Throne of Fire is going to be good. It's coming out tomorrow!
Reflecting over: "Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7

NOsama. Wow.

9 years, 7 months, and 20 days ago, America changed.

Permanently.

I was a third grader in Mrs. E's class when I'd learned that some people had crashed into these two buildings in New York. I'd watched the news with my mom and she gently explained what happened. To a  nine-year-old, this was an unthinkable act. It gave me nightmares. When my dad went on his next business trip, I begged him not to leave, tears streaming out of my eyes.

I'm now 19 years old. I'm leaving for college in 4 months. The date of today is May 1st, 2011. Today is the day I found out that Osama bin Laden is dead. The man who had caused my nightmares. The man who orchestrated an event that scared and scarred America.

He's dead. The US is in possession of his body. From what I've heard, it was some ambush mission or something that got him.

This doesn't end the war. But it is a morale boost for our troops. Though bin Laden wasn't a vital role in al Qaeda anymore, he was still a player. And now he's dead. This is fairly heartless, but I've only got 2 more words for you on the subject:

Good riddance.

So long, small group.

Tonight was my last night to ever have 86:12 small group. 

86:12, the youth choir I am a part of and have been a part of since 6th grade (7 years of pure awesome), has been a major part of my life. In eighth grade, we started doing this thing called small groups where it was just your gender and grade. We had an hour devoted to it every Sunday night and it was a time for people who were going through your same deals came together. 

Though I'm not necessarily tight with everyone in my grade, we're all definitely friends. There's no question about that. I love all of those girls dearly and being able to be in a safe environment with them so we can talk about life has been such a blessing the past 5 years. We've all rolled with the tide and been blown by the wind. We can relate to each other and that's what has helped us along. I don't know how I would've gone through high school without my small group. 

But tonight, May 1st, 2011, was my last night in small group. 

When I thought about it initially, I was kind of sad and a little nostalgic but I figured I would be okay. You know, I would get all emotional and weepy and stupid like I have a tendency to be. Uh, yeah right. Right when our leader suggested that we all pray, I objected and then started crying. It wasn't bawling or anything, but enough for a few tears to fall and a tissue to be required. The awkward part? No one really joined me in crying. The not awkward part? We all kind of started laughing, which lightened the mood. Then the topic changed and the thing was forgotten.

But I'm still kind nostalgic about this. And I'm not really sure how to deal with it. Good bye, 86:12 small group. Sunday nights will never quite be the same without you for a while. I'll miss y'all. A lot.