A letter from God

Dear you,

Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? Child, I love you no matter what, but you have got to realize who you are. It's breaking my heart to see you like this. Look at me and understand. Read this and know with your heart who I Am.

Child, you are so, so precious to me. You are so beautiful. I created you and I don't make anything that's even the slightest bit flawed. I make no mistakes. None. Zero. So why do you believe that you have things wrong with you? Why do you question yourself so constantly? Why do you wish for change? Little one, you were made in my likeness. To question your own beauty is to question mine. You're my workmanship, my masterpiece. I am so proud of you.

Beloved, I know you struggle with never feeling like you are enough for anything. You think that you aren't good, pretty, smart enough. And you're right...if we were discussing you from before you came to me. Now is a different story. Now I have filled you and am such a part of your life that you can't live without me. And child, now you are enough because I am enough. You do everything by my strength because, without me, you have none. You say your favorite verse is Philippians 4:13, right? Then live it. Show it. Let me be your entirety. Give into me.

Creation, you are in me and I am in you. You're safe in the storm with me. You can do anything with me. You are everything with me and you are everything to me. I love you in ways that you will never understand because my love for you is too great. Everything I have done, I have done so you would see me and grow close to me and be with me.

Sweet one, I love you. If the world turns against you, well, you're in good company. And if the world turns against you, you will still be mine.

Love eternally,

God.

And He walks with me and He talks with me...

Rejection is quite possibly my least favorite thing in the world. Speaking from too much experience.

Job applications, leadership groups, scholarships...you name it, I've been denied it (from an application standpoint anyway). And it has been far from enjoyable. It's been frustrating and annoying and degrading, making me feel completely inadequate for any future attempts at applying for something. It's been so discouraging that I've found myself not applying to certain things because I feel positive that I won't get it and that it would only be adding to my growing pile of rejection letters and emails.

At A&M, there's a Christian fish camp (orientation camp) called Impact. As a Christian who feels the desire and need to serve others by mentoring them and helping to grow their faith, I thought that was something I wanted to be part of. I went to Impact myself and loved it and by the end of it, I was already planning to apply when applications came out.

Tonight I went to an informational about it. And the room--that probably holds about 250 people--was absolutely packed, to the point where we were breaking fire code. I went in and just felt so insignificant and intimidated. Impact only chooses 420 people to be counselors. Some of those spots are already taken because of past counselors. The odds, as always, are so stacked against me. I wanted to be a counselor, but fear of rejection gripped me, overpowering my desire to be a counselor.

At the very end of the informational, one of the executive leaders prayed before we were dismissed. In the middle of the prayer, I decided that I wasn't going to apply because I wouldn't get a position. All my insecurities and fear took over. And right after I thought that, the girl who was praying said "...and don't let any insecurities or fear of rejection stop anyone here from applying because you know that none of us are perfect and you can use us anyway..."

I don't think I breathed until I got halfway down the stairs. I've had a few very convicting moments in my day, and this was certainly one of them. Does it mean that I'm for sure going to get the opportunity to be a counselor? Not by any means. Maybe this will be another learning experience of patience and perseverance, sticking to the promise that God has other things for me than Impact. But maybe it means that the waiting is over. Maybe this is the reward for being patient. Who knows? I sure don't. But I'm going to put myself out there while falling back on the one who holds my heart. Doing both is a lot easier than you might think.

"Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope." Romans 5:3-4

Awesome athletes

What do Tim Tebow, Josh Hamilton, and Andy Dalton have in common? They all get paid big money to either hit or throw a ball, have been either grossly underrated or counted out of the runnings at some point, and they all are exceptionally Godly men who exhibit that trait excellently.

If you haven't heard at least one of the first two listed guys, I'd think that you'd been living under a rock in Siberia. But, just for the sake of the icy rock dwellers and assuming that such people have internet access and read my blog (which I'm going to dub unlikely), here's the deal:

Tim Tebow is under the American microscope for his faith and how he exhibits it shamelessly on and off the football field. He was put into play earlier in the season because the Bronco fans wanted to see what he could do (their QB who started the season didn't work out so well) and his coach put him in to shut the fans up, not really anticipating this running back of a quarterback to be successful. He was wrong. Tim Tebow shined...in more ways than one. It seems I couldn't turn on the TV or get online without seeing something about Tebow's faith cropping up--and it thrilled me. It's so apparent that God is working through this guy and every time I'd see some story on him, I would smile. Tim Tebow, you rock.

Josh Hamilton is one of the faces of the Texas Rangers. Dangerous with a bat and can throw a ball from centerfield to second base faster than you can blink. He was the number 1 draft pick in 1999 but had a major falling out into drugs that knocked him out of pro ball for a few years. By the grace of God (and his tough-love grandmother), he got back on his feet, his wife forgave him (a whole other story that is also noteworthy but for another time), and he is back on the diamond. I know this because I read his book, not because I'm a creepy stalker who just researches vast amounts of personal information about my favorite sports figures. Anyways. His heart was completely changed. It's a miracle that he's still alive, much less the winner of the American League MVP of 2010. And he lives every day for the Lord and isn't shy about it. I love the Rangers for more reasons than I can count (heck, I have a Rangers cover for my phone), and, yes, Josh's outward profession of faith is a big one.

Andy Dalton. Rose Bowl of 2010 champ. Current stud of the Cincinnati Bengals. I'm wishing that I could vote in the Rookie of the Year poll because Dalton deserves it way more than Cam Newton, last year's scandalous Heisman winner. Who tied Peyton Manning's touchdown pass record? And who took their team to the playoffs? Andy did. Not Cam. Things to think about... But beyond his superb skills in the pocket, Andy started a Bible study in TCU's campus and is a solid Christian guy with a humble heart. He and Tebow are kind of the underdogs of the year and America loves a good underdog, especially a stand-up, solid one like Andy or Tim. Andy Dalton, you're amazing.

Ask me what celebrities I'd want to meet and I wouldn't say Ryan Reynolds, Rachel McAdams, or Justin Bieber, or any other Hollywooder for that matter. Give me those Christian athletes ANY day.

"For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love, and of self-discipline." 2 Timothy 1:7

Book analysis of the nerdiest variety

I think it's fairly apparent that I am an avid reader. Give me nearly any fiction book and I can have it read in about a week (if I enjoy it enough). When I want to chill out, I read. When I want to escape, I read. Books are worlds that I understand and can grasp because they're literally spelled out in front of me. When my life gets crazy, I sink into someone else's life through the pages of a book.

So here are my thoughts on books that are on my mind, some that I've read and some that I need to read.

Inheritance by Christopher Paolini. The final installment of the Eragon books came out in November, but a few weeks before finals. Topping off at 849 pages, I knew I wouldn't be able to read it and stay on top of my school, so I waited until I was home for break to get into in. And I'm so glad that I waited. After a slow 200 pages, the book finally picked up some momentum and had me flying through the pages. The end was good and everything tied off nicely. There were some great twists that I definitely didn't see coming and was left reeling from. Honestly, a few more people could have died and it would've been good. To sound sinister, I almost like when major characters die because it makes it seem more real. For example, in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Fred died. Though it was absolutely devastating and I cried my eyes out, it was right that such a main character was killed. You can't obliterate the enemy without taking some casualties of your own. But overall, I thought the book was a really good ending. Paolini definitely still ripped stuff from Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, and some Harry Potter, but it was an enjoyable read and well crafted. I give it a solid A.

The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis. Lewis is starting to push his way up to the top of my favorite authors list. I'm still in the process of reading TSL but from what I've read so far, I'm pumped to dig further into this book. It's intriguing, darkly so, and completely hooking. And after I finish TSL, I will have just begun my C.S. Lewis collection. Until We Have Faces and Mere Christianity are next on the list.

The Kane Chronicles: The Serpent's Shadow by Rick Riordan. The last book of the Kane trilogy is debuting in May. Riordan, made famous by his Percy Jackson and the Olympians series, has set forth another series, this time about Egyptian mythology. The past two books in the Kane trilogy have been great, of course. However, I still prefer Percy Jackson to the sibling duo of Carter and Sadie Kane. Egyptian mythology is much different than Greek and Roman mythology and, though Riordan does a good job of explaining what the ancient Egyptians believed, it just isn't as good as his previous series about Greek mythology. To be clear, I've highly enjoyed the Kane Chronicles and he made a great story and I'm excited to see how it all ends. Will Carter and Sadie wake up the sun god? Will their godly friend come out of his deep trance to save the day? Or will the serpent god end up destroying the world as we know it?

The Heroes of Olympus: Mark of Athena by Rick Riordan. Yes, another Riordan original. I know I've talked about this series before, but in case you know nothing about it, here's a short synopsis: Greek and Roman mythology is a lot alike, but also very different. They share the same gods but with different names (Poseidon=Neptune). We all know that these gods liked to have mortal children, so there are Roman god children and Greek god children. These two groups have a bloody past but in this series, they have to come together to defeat the greater evil who is threatening to overthrow the gods. I'm SO excited for the next book to come out because, from the sounds of things, everything is going to hinge on one of my favorite characters, Annabeth, a daughter of Athena. October, please get here soon!

Nevermore by James Patterson. The last of the Maximum Ride series comes out in August of this year. After intense character drama, growing experiences, death-defying trials, and an imminent force who threatens to take control of the minds of kids and teenagers across the world, it's up to the Flock to stop the evil that is brewing across the world. Max has to get over her anger towards the two main boys in her life, find the kid in her flock who is constantly being kidnapped (seriously, she's like the bird-kid version of Daphne), and save the world. All with keeping those she holds close to her heart safe. In this epic finale, I know I will cry. But I also know that Max will pull out the win. She always does. But she's got to swallow that massive pride to do it. And, for all you Maximum Ride fans out there, here's my prediction: Max and Fang will, of course, end up together. Dylan will still get what he wants...just not in the way he expects (wink wink, MARA, wink wink).

Reader, I'll keep you posted.

Blessed

"In friendship...we think we have chosen our peers. In reality a few years' difference in the dates of our births, a few more miles between certain houses, the choice of one university instead of another...the accident of a topic being raised or not raised at a first meeting--any of these chances might have kept us apart. But, for a Christian, there are, strictly speaking no chances. A secret master of ceremonies has been at work. Christ, who said to the disciples, "Ye have not chosen one another but I have chosen you for one another," can truly say to every group of Christian friends, "Ye have not chosen one another but I have chosen you for one another." The friendship is not a reward for our discriminating and good taste in finding one another out. It is the instrument by which God reveals to each of us the beauties of others." --C.S. Lewis

So, there's a chance that I almost cried when I first read that quote. Why? Because the first half is exactly my amazing group of friends: me (Linley), Myles, Rachel, Missy, and Joy.

Birth dates: I was born in 1991. Joy was born in 1992. Rachel, Missy, and Myles were in 1993. That's not a huge range, but with me being twenty and Rachel, Missy, and Myles not even nineteen yet, you would think that we wouldn't all be as close as we are. The fact of the matter is that age is starting to become less of a factor in friendships because we're all going through the same stage of life--our freshman year of college--together. We're sharing experiences and struggles and that's what bonds us together, not age.

Distance between our homes: Rachel and I are from DFW. Missy is from Houston. Myles and Joy are from Austin. Geography is not on our side--pesky Texas and it's bigness--but we make it work. Over the Christmas break, I haven't gone one day without talking to at least one of my friends. But where our homes work against us, technology does not. The five of us have been on a group text together since early November and it is my link to them. That group message has kept me from going nuts.

Choice of school: I got into A&M by the skin of my teeth. I was one of the last people to get into my dorm (4th floor, room 53 out of 60). Had I not gotten into A&M or my dorm, I would have a completely different circle of friends. I wouldn't be as mature. I wouldn't be growing in my faith as much. My friends have been my rocks, my comfort, and my happiness.

Small world stories: I was in a Pine Cove cabin with Joy freshman year of high school. She was in another cabin with Missy a few years later. Myles went to high school with Joy. Joy and Rachel did the same program over the summer and ended up in the same sorority. I met Rachel at fish camp. All of us were connected to each other before school started by small degrees of separation.

This is going to sound cliche and immature, but these friends are like my sisters. They have held me together and helped me grow. I love them so much and my life will never, ever be the same because of them. Their friendship is the craftsmanship of an artful God, who makes beautiful and treasured works.

And for that reason, among countless others, I am blessed.

Death is a part of life, unfortunately

I'll be honest: I haven't had to deal with much death that's close to me. My grandfather passed away in May of 2009 and that was hard because it was so unexpected. He wasn't necessarily a healthy man, but he was a grandfather. He was in his late 70s. He'd lived a fantastic life and though I miss him dearly and his death did come with a shock factor, it was without the immense tragedy that comes with death of someone much younger.

Unfortunately, my town has had to deal with all too much of the latter, the most recent tragedy coming on New Years day.

A friend from my home church, Libbie, was killed in a one-car accident when she was coming back from hunting with her boyfriend. I'll spare the details of the accident beyond that out of respect for the families of both Libbie and her boyfriend, Drew. She was care-flighted to Columbus, Georgia and kept on life support until it became evident that she would not recover. On January 3rd, she became an organ donor.

The news of hearing about Libbie was...stunning. Devastating. Hard to hear and even harder to comprehend. Nothing seemed real about it until after her memorial service, and even now, 3 days later, I still expect her to be returning back to Auburn for her spring semester. The fact that she isn't...

There was a prayer and worship time the night after the accident, when it was still unsure if she was going to begin to heal. Some 50 people showed up in front of her house and we all prayed for a miracle, because that was the only way Libbie was going to come out of this.

But we didn't get one.

And so I began to search for answers, using the Bible against God instead of comfort from Him. I challenged Him, demanding to know why He'd promised that He'd grant our prayers if we prayed. Asking why He felt the need to ignore our cries and let a beautiful woman of the Lord die. Then I started to question my own faith: if He didn't come through with that, how can I trust Him to come through with anything? What's the point of prayer if nothing happens because of it? Does He really care? If He did, why did He let this precious, talented life slip away?

Slowly, He told me the answers. It became clear that I was being immature about this (understandably so, but immature regardless). Sometimes, the answer is going to be no. He'd be a bad parent if He said yes to everything we wanted. Libbie's death wasn't what He wanted--He isn't a merciless, bloodthirsty king--but people make mistakes and that's what happened with Libbie's accident: a terrible, tragic mistake. Everything in the Bible is true, but I need to keep in perspective that I don't get to plan my life. His will is going to be done and He takes pain and makes it beautiful. He turns misunderstanding into learning experiences. Prayer is one of the single most important things that you can have in your faith. Never doubt that for a second. And of course He cares. We'd all rot away in hell if He didn't.

Tragedy happens. People make mistakes. But His love and faithfulness endures. He will always shine a light for you to see. And if you can't see it, maybe the problem isn't the light. Maybe you just need to open your eyes.