They do for me, anyways. There's just something about bad weather that puts me in the zone to write. Some people may think that's crazy (looking at you, Rach), but a good thunderstorm + late night = The Writing Zone.
The reality is that storms are a powerful sign of God's creativity and flair for the dramatic (not the fatal ones though--I'm convinced those weren't supposed to happen when the earth was made).
But really. He could have the earth nourish itself in any other way, but he chose flashing lights and booming sounds. A storm is his stage to get creative and to enjoy bringing new life to parched ground, letting flowers grow, juxtaposing spring liveliness after a thunderstorm has rolled through. It heightens our senses, forces us to acknowledge some kind of creation.
And as someone who loves creativity, I think I'm inspired to action by his action.
Maybe my mind and heart have been blocked up with stress and stress and more stress that's given me weird dreams that have caused more stress, so writing doesn't flow out as easily as it has in the past. But storms have always helped to bring clarity for me, to sit back and see perspective. It grabs my attention and washes away the grime in a great display of tough love. This kind of weather tends to bring me to my knees because I must acknowledge the One behind it all. Only He could make something so good and necessary but so threatening.
Only he can restore within the chaos.
Tonight, I pray for two things.
1. It doesn't storm too badly and my exposed car doesn't have hail damage in the morning
2. I know God for who he is: a refiner who uses raw materials to bring about great beauty.
So here's my breaking of blog silence. Brought on by a late-night April storm. And I'm thankful for it.
Tuesday, April 12, 2016
Monday, February 29, 2016
Because politics are relevant
Guys, 2016 is bonkers. Like completely bonkers.
We've seen El Nino stirring up weather patterns (and causing a large colony of sharks to phat chill along the Florida coastline). We have a Leap Year (much to my fiance's chagrin). The Summer Olympics are going down in Brazil (so is the Zika virus, coincidentally). And a presidential election like we've never seen before is currently in action.
Hold onto your hats.
Opinions are flying everywhere about who should be the next person to hold office. It seems like it's Trump vs. The Rest of the Republican Party. Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders are neck and neck in the primaries. Trump may or may not be running as an independent if he doesn't get the conservative nomination.
On the topic of The Donald, let's be realistic here: do we actually, legitimately, with all of our mental faculties in place, believe that he is the best person for the job? Do we seriously see him calmly and tactfully negotiating deals with volatile nations, making good judgment calls with our military, and handling Congress well?
Friends, he's a reality TV star and a real estate champion. He's not a diplomat. He's good at many things, but foreign affairs is not one of them (see "making Mexico build a wall along our border" for more information). And, regardless of your opinion of the US's involvement on the world's stage, he will have to deal with foreign affairs (along with a bazillion other things).
He may surprise us, but I'm not certain I'm willing to make that gamble. Donald Trump is saying all the right things to almost bully us into voting for him. Don't fall into that.
We've got our hot-button issues like health care, gun control, racism, ISIS, oil prices, and same-sex marriage. All the candidates have different opinions and different styles of dealing with these things.
The United States is at an incredibly sensitive place right now. Technology and the media is warping our world. We're constantly being barraged by opinions and ideas and it's up to us to sort through the noise to find something to believe in.
Our beacon of hope is not standing at a podium, arguing about policy. Regardless of your political sway, if you're putting your hope in a neurosurgeon, a lifelong politician, or a business man to solve problems, you will inevitably be let down.
Have your opinions. Stand for what you believe in. Please vote.
But I ask two things of you:
1. Despite who gets sworn into office in January 2017, show them the respect they deserve. Whether or not you voted for them, respect the task they just took hold of. And please, for all that is good and wonderful, don't make those "If so-and-so wins, I'm moving to Canada!" comments.
2. Realize that there is hope and power much larger than the White House. And his campaign is based on grace and love, forgiveness and repentance.
No matter who comes after President Obama, we will face the same problems we currently have, solve some, and find others. We live in an incredible country, but no earthly country is perfect. Let's handle this presidential election with wisdom, grace, and prayer.
We've seen El Nino stirring up weather patterns (and causing a large colony of sharks to phat chill along the Florida coastline). We have a Leap Year (much to my fiance's chagrin). The Summer Olympics are going down in Brazil (so is the Zika virus, coincidentally). And a presidential election like we've never seen before is currently in action.
Hold onto your hats.
Opinions are flying everywhere about who should be the next person to hold office. It seems like it's Trump vs. The Rest of the Republican Party. Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders are neck and neck in the primaries. Trump may or may not be running as an independent if he doesn't get the conservative nomination.
On the topic of The Donald, let's be realistic here: do we actually, legitimately, with all of our mental faculties in place, believe that he is the best person for the job? Do we seriously see him calmly and tactfully negotiating deals with volatile nations, making good judgment calls with our military, and handling Congress well?
Friends, he's a reality TV star and a real estate champion. He's not a diplomat. He's good at many things, but foreign affairs is not one of them (see "making Mexico build a wall along our border" for more information). And, regardless of your opinion of the US's involvement on the world's stage, he will have to deal with foreign affairs (along with a bazillion other things).
He may surprise us, but I'm not certain I'm willing to make that gamble. Donald Trump is saying all the right things to almost bully us into voting for him. Don't fall into that.
We've got our hot-button issues like health care, gun control, racism, ISIS, oil prices, and same-sex marriage. All the candidates have different opinions and different styles of dealing with these things.
The United States is at an incredibly sensitive place right now. Technology and the media is warping our world. We're constantly being barraged by opinions and ideas and it's up to us to sort through the noise to find something to believe in.
Our beacon of hope is not standing at a podium, arguing about policy. Regardless of your political sway, if you're putting your hope in a neurosurgeon, a lifelong politician, or a business man to solve problems, you will inevitably be let down.
Have your opinions. Stand for what you believe in. Please vote.
But I ask two things of you:
1. Despite who gets sworn into office in January 2017, show them the respect they deserve. Whether or not you voted for them, respect the task they just took hold of. And please, for all that is good and wonderful, don't make those "If so-and-so wins, I'm moving to Canada!" comments.
2. Realize that there is hope and power much larger than the White House. And his campaign is based on grace and love, forgiveness and repentance.
No matter who comes after President Obama, we will face the same problems we currently have, solve some, and find others. We live in an incredible country, but no earthly country is perfect. Let's handle this presidential election with wisdom, grace, and prayer.
Tuesday, January 26, 2016
Dusty sandals
Last semester, I was in a class in which we walked through all the covenants God makes with mankind, specifically with the nation of Israel.
And if I took anything away, it was this: God makes good on his promises, but his people do not.
Hence the current state of Israel.
They spent 40 years just wandering around because they did not trust that the Lord would feed them, clothe them, get them to where they're supposed to go. He literally split a sea and dried the ground and like a week later they were worshiping a cow made out of melted gold.
We laugh and scoff ("Those silly Israelites!") but I can't be too quick to judge.
Lately, I've felt a lot like a nearsighted Israelite, distrusting God as I brushed red dirt and sea urchins off my sandals.
There has been no reason for me to think that the next year will be any different than previous years when it comes to the faithfulness of God. He put people in my path to give me a salary this year. He gave me close friends, a strong family, a college that I love, a job, other job prospects, community, a husband. He's grown me, shown me how to trust and love and have peace. He's built me up, humbled me, comforted me, strengthened me.
And it doesn't take much to have me running in the opposite direction of him when fear grips my heart. It is all too natural for me to think I've hit a quota on my "good gifts" from the Lord and shoulder all my junk and try to go forward.
Instead, I very rapidly end up careening into some kind of emotional breakdown. Aka the opposite of productive and faithful.
When I don't feel like I have much to sing hallelujah about, I pray for the few things I do have to be multiplied (and I listen to "Multiplied" by Needtobreathe because I did not come up with that on my own).
So maybe I should leave the dust on the sandals as reminders of faithfulness that has been shown and promises of faithfulness still yet to come.
And if I took anything away, it was this: God makes good on his promises, but his people do not.
Hence the current state of Israel.
They spent 40 years just wandering around because they did not trust that the Lord would feed them, clothe them, get them to where they're supposed to go. He literally split a sea and dried the ground and like a week later they were worshiping a cow made out of melted gold.
We laugh and scoff ("Those silly Israelites!") but I can't be too quick to judge.
Lately, I've felt a lot like a nearsighted Israelite, distrusting God as I brushed red dirt and sea urchins off my sandals.
There has been no reason for me to think that the next year will be any different than previous years when it comes to the faithfulness of God. He put people in my path to give me a salary this year. He gave me close friends, a strong family, a college that I love, a job, other job prospects, community, a husband. He's grown me, shown me how to trust and love and have peace. He's built me up, humbled me, comforted me, strengthened me.
And it doesn't take much to have me running in the opposite direction of him when fear grips my heart. It is all too natural for me to think I've hit a quota on my "good gifts" from the Lord and shoulder all my junk and try to go forward.
Instead, I very rapidly end up careening into some kind of emotional breakdown. Aka the opposite of productive and faithful.
When I don't feel like I have much to sing hallelujah about, I pray for the few things I do have to be multiplied (and I listen to "Multiplied" by Needtobreathe because I did not come up with that on my own).
So maybe I should leave the dust on the sandals as reminders of faithfulness that has been shown and promises of faithfulness still yet to come.
Sunday, January 24, 2016
Since my last post
Time has simultaneously flown by and dragged on.
It's been like that for the last several years, and I'm beginning to think that this isn't just a phase, but my reality.
And, really, I can't decide if I like it or not.
Blogspot is telling me that my last post was before my 24th birthday, which is weird, because it feels like my birthday was ages ago. Since that point, I've planned (or helped my mom plan) a good amount of my wedding (weird), gone to a foreign country in which I knew nothing about the language, and learned that you could train an almost-two-year-old to sing Adele's "Hello." Yes, you may refer to my flower girl as Adellie. She's quite talented.
She also legitimately thinks her name is "Ellie Bug" because we call her that so often. Win.
Anyways.
My fiance and I have been pining away at the days, wishing they would speed up so I could officially be Linley Stringer, and forgetting that there is great joy in the waiting. And while I know only a little bit more about being married than I did about the country I visited, I do know this:
The Lord has given me a great hope in the future of being in His kingdom, but that does not dismiss me from living in the now. Engagement is a process. Planning for the future is a process. And there is room for error all over the place. But I cannot be outside the will of God if I commit myself to following Him.
So let's stop wasting time by staring at the ticking hand of the clock, waiting for that "one thing" that will bring us ___________.
It's only Jesus. It will only ever be Jesus to fill our hearts.
It's been like that for the last several years, and I'm beginning to think that this isn't just a phase, but my reality.
And, really, I can't decide if I like it or not.
Blogspot is telling me that my last post was before my 24th birthday, which is weird, because it feels like my birthday was ages ago. Since that point, I've planned (or helped my mom plan) a good amount of my wedding (weird), gone to a foreign country in which I knew nothing about the language, and learned that you could train an almost-two-year-old to sing Adele's "Hello." Yes, you may refer to my flower girl as Adellie. She's quite talented.
She also legitimately thinks her name is "Ellie Bug" because we call her that so often. Win.
Anyways.
My fiance and I have been pining away at the days, wishing they would speed up so I could officially be Linley Stringer, and forgetting that there is great joy in the waiting. And while I know only a little bit more about being married than I did about the country I visited, I do know this:
The Lord has given me a great hope in the future of being in His kingdom, but that does not dismiss me from living in the now. Engagement is a process. Planning for the future is a process. And there is room for error all over the place. But I cannot be outside the will of God if I commit myself to following Him.
So let's stop wasting time by staring at the ticking hand of the clock, waiting for that "one thing" that will bring us ___________.
It's only Jesus. It will only ever be Jesus to fill our hearts.
Sunday, November 8, 2015
Things I've Learned While Wedding Planning
Guys, here's the deal: I really enjoy nailing down the details of things. It's satisfying. It gives me a sense of purpose. It makes me feel like I've conquered something.
But wedding planning is, like, the king of details. And it's overwhelming. So here are some things I've learned since September 18.
1. You can, indeed, have extensive discussions with someone over the type and color of linens at your tables for the reception. Like thirty minute long discussions. That mostly include me going, "Mmhmm... yep... sounds great Mom...yeah, I think ivory is great. Yeah... let's do that." It's in moments like these when I'm thankful she has an eye for the artistic details. And is decisive.
2. Sometimes your mom goes to a cake tasting, tells you all about the quality of the almond flavor, and then texts you three hours later, "I'm in a sugar coma." Thanks for taking one for the team, Karen.
3. Yes, yes, it's true. "Say Yes To The Dress" hasn't been making it up. "The Feeling of The One" is a real thing when dress shopping. Tears and pictures and feeling like a total princess are all things that happen. Be aware. And bring tissues.
4. Bridesmaid dresses are complicated, and it is somehow impossible to find the right color. After many hours on Nordstrom and David's Bridal's websites, my office vote is: I don't care. You do you, bridesmaids (probably not going to happen but a girl can dream).
5. My best friend is theknot.com because checklists and reviews and suggestions oh my.
6. Why is it acceptable for boys to just call up their guys and be like, "Hey, will you be a groomsmen?" and girls have to do these cute and creative things? Pinterest, I cannot live up to your standards. I do what I want.
7. Speaking of Pinterest, it's a hotbed of wedding comparison. In the long run, it really doesn't matter if you had candle holders or mason jars. Calm down, all you vintage country chic weddings, everything will look beautiful.
8. Has anyone ever defined what exactly a "wedding vision" is? What in the world does that even mean?
9. Wedding websites and wedding hashtags are things that now seem super normal, but can we just pause for a second and think about these terms? If we went back in time to 2005 and threw those terms around, can you imagine the weird looks we would get? I'm guilty too, of course. I've been planning my wedding hashtag since, like, March. But it's still such a weird concept #tyingthestringers
10. Amid the chaos of finding color schemes and vendors and planning, I've had to check myself with two things:
The first is that no one will remember the chair covers or the first dance song, but they will remember how they felt. Were they welcomed? Did the bride and groom come talk to them? Was the cake good? (Cake is important, y'all). Were they loved? This is a party for my people. Without them, Hayden and I would not be where we are. Let's celebrate.
And two: I will be a bride for one day. From 6:30-11:30 on May 20, 2016, I will be a bride. But after that, for the rest of my days, I will be a wife. That is a much higher calling, demands significantly more of me than that one day. Will I pursue the Gospel in such a way that I honor and love him? Will our marriage be a testament to the love we have been given from Christ? Those are the crucial things to remember, not the minutia of that one day when we became one. May 20 will be a big, important day. But it is only the first step in a life we will share.
But wedding planning is, like, the king of details. And it's overwhelming. So here are some things I've learned since September 18.
1. You can, indeed, have extensive discussions with someone over the type and color of linens at your tables for the reception. Like thirty minute long discussions. That mostly include me going, "Mmhmm... yep... sounds great Mom...yeah, I think ivory is great. Yeah... let's do that." It's in moments like these when I'm thankful she has an eye for the artistic details. And is decisive.
2. Sometimes your mom goes to a cake tasting, tells you all about the quality of the almond flavor, and then texts you three hours later, "I'm in a sugar coma." Thanks for taking one for the team, Karen.
3. Yes, yes, it's true. "Say Yes To The Dress" hasn't been making it up. "The Feeling of The One" is a real thing when dress shopping. Tears and pictures and feeling like a total princess are all things that happen. Be aware. And bring tissues.
4. Bridesmaid dresses are complicated, and it is somehow impossible to find the right color. After many hours on Nordstrom and David's Bridal's websites, my office vote is: I don't care. You do you, bridesmaids (probably not going to happen but a girl can dream).
5. My best friend is theknot.com because checklists and reviews and suggestions oh my.
6. Why is it acceptable for boys to just call up their guys and be like, "Hey, will you be a groomsmen?" and girls have to do these cute and creative things? Pinterest, I cannot live up to your standards. I do what I want.
7. Speaking of Pinterest, it's a hotbed of wedding comparison. In the long run, it really doesn't matter if you had candle holders or mason jars. Calm down, all you vintage country chic weddings, everything will look beautiful.
8. Has anyone ever defined what exactly a "wedding vision" is? What in the world does that even mean?
9. Wedding websites and wedding hashtags are things that now seem super normal, but can we just pause for a second and think about these terms? If we went back in time to 2005 and threw those terms around, can you imagine the weird looks we would get? I'm guilty too, of course. I've been planning my wedding hashtag since, like, March. But it's still such a weird concept #tyingthestringers
10. Amid the chaos of finding color schemes and vendors and planning, I've had to check myself with two things:
The first is that no one will remember the chair covers or the first dance song, but they will remember how they felt. Were they welcomed? Did the bride and groom come talk to them? Was the cake good? (Cake is important, y'all). Were they loved? This is a party for my people. Without them, Hayden and I would not be where we are. Let's celebrate.
And two: I will be a bride for one day. From 6:30-11:30 on May 20, 2016, I will be a bride. But after that, for the rest of my days, I will be a wife. That is a much higher calling, demands significantly more of me than that one day. Will I pursue the Gospel in such a way that I honor and love him? Will our marriage be a testament to the love we have been given from Christ? Those are the crucial things to remember, not the minutia of that one day when we became one. May 20 will be a big, important day. But it is only the first step in a life we will share.
Thursday, October 1, 2015
The Sirens
Switchfoot has been one of my
favorite bands for as long as I can remember. The first album on my pink iPod
mini in, like, 2004 was “The Beautiful Letdown.” And since those painful brace-face
middle school days, I have been a devout Switchfoot fan.
There’s
something deeply personal about all of Jon Foreman’s lyrics. Even listening to
that old album now, well over ten years later, I catch new pieces of truth,
beautifully worked into the rock sound. This music can bring me to my knees,
can send me to my feet, and can make my voice raw if I belt it out too loudly.
There’s
this one song off of the EP “Edge of the Earth” called “Liberty.” Initially, I
only really liked the song because I caught the Odyssey reference. And I love
Greek mythology, so that was an exciting moment for this nerd. But then I put
the song on repeat and listened.
In
this particular event about Odysseus, he and his crew were sailing by the
infamous island of the Sirens. It was legend that men swam straight to their
deaths because the Sirens so sweetly sang to them, promising to tell them the
secrets of their heart. They were beautiful. Their island was beautiful.
Everything drew these poor saps in, where they were promptly killed. Some
mythology says that the sirens ate them, but regardless, if you made it to the
island, it was probably because your body washed up on shore. RIP.
But
Odysseus was a smart guy. So he brings a ton of beeswax and tells his men to
stuff their ears with it so they would be safe. But Odysseus wanted to hear the
song and what they would tell him, so he tells his guys to tie him to the mast
and not let him out. In fact, he tells sailors to tie him tighter when he begs
to be freed.
He
thought it would make him wiser, that he would know himself better.
As
per usual for a human, he was desperately searching for answers.
The
lines in the Switchfoot song go like this:
Tie
myself up to the mast
Give
up a semblance of control
The
sirens sing, but I let them pass
Because
only you can free my soul
The semblance of control. The thing I am
constantly chasing and seem to hold onto for the briefest of moments before it
slips away. But it’s just a semblance. A fake. There is no reality to it.
Odysseus was still a slave to the sirens as he was floating by because they had
him enraptured. He “had control” because he was tied up to the mast, but his
nature was to run to the thing that he wanted but would eventually kill him. He
could not trust himself.
Are
we so different?
How
often have I toed that line between safety and danger, fighting to hear my sirens? It’s every day. Every
day I run to things that could destroy me, and God holds on tighter because he
sees that I’m swimming straight to the rocks.
Christ
is the rope tying me to the ship. I have no control. I have no power to stop
myself because the enemies are stronger and rise against me. But the Lord maintains his hold on me so I don't run headlong into
my destruction.
And
he gladly does so. No father wants their child to suffer at it’s own hand.
Or
be serenaded by cannibalistic beings.
Wednesday, September 23, 2015
To love is to risk it all
It's insane how quickly fear crept into my engagement.
Before I had my new piece of jewelry, my biggest fear was loneliness. But when Hayden and I vowed to commit our lives together, my biggest fear switched to losing him.
My mind swirled with possibilities. What if he dies? What if he's in an accident and hurt beyond repair? What if something happens to me? What would I do? How would I handle it? Would he be okay?
I'm 100% confident he won't abandon ship of his own free will. But we can't control accidents. That's why they're called accidents. I realized that loving someone meant you wanted to protect them from anything that could potentially cause them harm.
Loving him is a risk because anything could happen to him. It's the greatest risk I've ever taken. I willfully chose to love him and now I have to accept that the Lord will take care of us, come what may. It hurts to even write those last words. "Come what may." What a weird idea.
This is so different than handing my future over to God or trusting him with money or whatever. This is another person. Someone who I care for deeply, who I love wholly. The idea of him not being with me feels like someone is twisting my gut.
But I've thought of two things to deal with this.
The first is that I cannot live the next lifetime with Hayden in fear that something will happen to him. I cannot protect him from everything–or most things–and thus lose that control to protect myself. His pain hurts me. Living in fear of losing him is no way to live. It's putting all my hope and trust in a human who will fail me somehow. And that's not what I'm called to.
The second is much loftier.
God created mankind with this impossible, incomprehensible love. And we hurt ourselves constantly. We actively fight against him. He saw the part of creation he made in his image being lost to sin. And he wouldn't have it. He sent a rescuer, someone to cast a lifeline to us so we wouldn't be forever separated from Him.
So few people have grabbed onto Jesus. The heart of the Lord aches for his lost children because of his great love for us.
You should know that I feel this way about all my family and friends. Losing any one of them would be devastating. But it hit a high point when Hayden became a solid part of my future.
How do I not live in fear of loss?
Because Christ is enough.
Before I had my new piece of jewelry, my biggest fear was loneliness. But when Hayden and I vowed to commit our lives together, my biggest fear switched to losing him.
My mind swirled with possibilities. What if he dies? What if he's in an accident and hurt beyond repair? What if something happens to me? What would I do? How would I handle it? Would he be okay?
I'm 100% confident he won't abandon ship of his own free will. But we can't control accidents. That's why they're called accidents. I realized that loving someone meant you wanted to protect them from anything that could potentially cause them harm.
Loving him is a risk because anything could happen to him. It's the greatest risk I've ever taken. I willfully chose to love him and now I have to accept that the Lord will take care of us, come what may. It hurts to even write those last words. "Come what may." What a weird idea.
This is so different than handing my future over to God or trusting him with money or whatever. This is another person. Someone who I care for deeply, who I love wholly. The idea of him not being with me feels like someone is twisting my gut.
But I've thought of two things to deal with this.
The first is that I cannot live the next lifetime with Hayden in fear that something will happen to him. I cannot protect him from everything–or most things–and thus lose that control to protect myself. His pain hurts me. Living in fear of losing him is no way to live. It's putting all my hope and trust in a human who will fail me somehow. And that's not what I'm called to.
The second is much loftier.
God created mankind with this impossible, incomprehensible love. And we hurt ourselves constantly. We actively fight against him. He saw the part of creation he made in his image being lost to sin. And he wouldn't have it. He sent a rescuer, someone to cast a lifeline to us so we wouldn't be forever separated from Him.
So few people have grabbed onto Jesus. The heart of the Lord aches for his lost children because of his great love for us.
You should know that I feel this way about all my family and friends. Losing any one of them would be devastating. But it hit a high point when Hayden became a solid part of my future.
How do I not live in fear of loss?
Because Christ is enough.
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