Jesus>Frankenstein

Yeah, I'm supposed to be reading Frankenstein right now. And, for all you literarily (yes, I realize that "literarily" is not a word) ignorant people out there, Frankenstein was the DUDE who made the monster, who was pretty much only referred to as "The Creature". Frankenstein=scientist. Creature=green thing with the block head. Anyway, that's my old English lit soapbox. I'll get off of it now.

So, sort of in the same area of old English, every time I hear this hymn, I want to write it down. So it's written down about three or four times in different notebooks. The first line is always the one that makes me smile. Here's the song:
I hear the Savior say
'Thy strength indeed is small; child of weakness, watch and pray, find in me thine all-in-all'
Jesus paid it all
All to Him I owe
Sin had left a crimson stain
He washed it white as snow
(a few more verses)
Bridge: Oh praise the ONE who paid my debt and raised this life up from the dead (repeat lotsa times)

The first few lines, about the Savior calling me weak and small, somehow never loses it's "WOW" factor for me. I've always loved that line. And for me it's this...

I'm one of those people who likes to pretend she can do pretty much anything regardless of what might be intended for her. I'm not really so much a go-getter as I am a "Oh yeah, I can do that. Easy." kind of person. It's a pride thing. I think that I can do everything all by myself. So when I'm told that my strength is small and that I'm weak, you would think that it wouldn't really go over all too well. But I weirdly like that phrase. Maybe because it ends with redemption. "Find in me thine all-in-all."

Of course, I have to watch and pray before I can go anywhere with my small strength. Watching implies waiting. Waiting means I need patience. Patience is not something that I'm overflowing with. And I do pray--like all the time. It's almost as natural as breathing. And I'm really glad that God doesn't get tired of me and my constant talking. I pray for things like patience but mostly I just...talk to God. About my life, about my friends' lives, about all my book angst, about church, about school, telling him that my stomach monster is demanding more food (I'm convinced that when I eat, I have a small monster in my stomach, named Robert, who eats everything so that's why I'm always hungry.)

Praying? Easy, schmeasy. Watching? Eh, not so much. I want to find my everything in Christ so that He can provide His strength so I won't be a "child of weakness" but that leads me back to the whole patience issue. Kind of a vicious cycle when you get down to it. I owe Christ so much more than my life, but since that's pretty much all I've got to give, that's what He gets. Most of the time. When I'm not being controlling. Which I have a tendency to be.

But regardless of my control and patience problems, He paid my ransom. Sin held me at gunpoint and Christ staked out and eventually got me from my chains. My debt to Him is unpayable because He picked me up and will one day carry me home. How do you repay someone after they save your life? Especially if that someone already has everything? You don't. Not fully. You give your life to them if you're really dedicated. If you really mean it when you say "Thank you".

Why save us? He loves us. That's pretty much the only reason. So I'm forever His. What else can I possibly be?

"And we are His portion and He is our pride. Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes. If His grace is an ocean, we're all sinking."