It's August of 2014.
Another month in another year that will tack onto all the other months and years that have come before it, and a predecessor to many more months and years after.
But this month is right before my senior year of college. In my current state, it is the last year of school I will know. Current state being I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT'S NEXT. It could very well mean that I'll go to grad school and study something, I could go to seminary, I could do a fellowship program, maybe get a real person job...the list goes on and on and on. Because the post-grad life in the 21st century isn't just the metaphorical oyster that everyone seems to reference--it is the great, wide unknown.
In which Hillsong says that "feet may fail" in this great unknown. I have a tendency for changing that lyric to "feet will fail".
Because over the last 3 years, I've done a lot of that. Failing, I mean.
The moments of rejection that knocked me on my face. The moments of loneliness where I felt unknown. The moments of being lost, having no earthly idea of what I was doing. When life backed me deep into a corner, a Harry Potter-sized broom closet. The scrapes, the bruises, the broken times that all come when you live.
And there were a lot of times where the process of brushing myself off to keep running (or crawling or climbing or whatever) was too daunting. A feat much too grand for me to comprehend, much less accomplish. That the idea of mending the broken pieces and continuing with the stints and stitches still in place seemed like it would hurt a heck of a lot more than it was worth. Giving up, falling out, moving away all appeared to be a more sensible, less painful option.
Yet here I am. 18 days from the beginning of the end (to be deeply dramatic about it).
I'm finding myself cherishing those painful moments. Having no regrets because while those were all so tough to get through, I'm on the other side. Not only surviving, but thriving.
This isn't because I'm a champion woman who has her life worked out to the T (reference back to the all caps in paragraph 3). This is because I have been gently carried, loudly talked to, and been pulled kicking and screaming through my college career (and all the other years before). The Lord has been a presence who has known exactly what I needed and when I needed it. There is no avoiding that. I'm being worked on every single day by a powerful God who refuses to let his children suffer in vain and wants better for them than a dark corner to wallow in.
He is the only reason I was called out of my cave and into his light, capable of following a path that is meant to glorify Him. It's all because of his love that I can do any of this.
I have no doubt that senior year is going to be another wild, unbelievable, tough climb.
Not sure when it got here, not looking forward to how fast it's going to go, but it's going to happen. And I think I'm as ready as I'll ever be.
