The Great Job Search and Ecclesiastes

Because I'm a senior, I finally made my resume (couldn't figure out how to get the accent on those e's) the other day and had the official Texas A&M career center assess the situation. Turns out, being an English major has significantly helped me in using action verbs because I managed to make my professional career sound, well, professional.

This document has everything I have ever accomplished in my life that a potential employer could want or need to know. Which is kind of a weird concept, especially because I'm starting to send it out to people. Like a real grown up person. Because it's October, and I have seven months before A&M pushes me into the the world. Seven months, you guys. That's not very long.

So of course, I've started to kind of panic about "the future" (whatever that even means) and the fact that I need a job because that's what you do after college.

And it initially wasn't helping that my church is currently going through Ecclesiastes. Summary of chapters 1-2: everything is meaningless. Thanks for that, Solomon. How uplifting.

But today was a game-changer. About halfway through chapter 2, we hit the point that talks about work. And I know we've all heard the verse from 1 Corinthians about doing everything as if for the Lord, but way before Paul penned that, Solomon was telling us the same thing. Maybe in not so nice terms, but it was the same message.

We work for the Lord. Why? Because we are called to do everything to glorify Him because without his grace and his redemption and his love, we have absolutely nothing. We all know that the world is a broken, messed-up place, and when we are our most honest with ourselves, we realize that living with a "me" focused attitude is ultimately dissatisfying and disappointing.

We crave purpose. The need to work for something. But if we work for the world, those things stay in the world. We can't take them to the grave because that's useless. We can provide for our future generations, but the issue with material things is that they eventually lose value.

So why go on this scatterbrained soapbox? Because trying to find a job just so I don't have to move back into my pink bedroom with my parents isn't a good enough motivator to find a job. Nor is the need to look successful, to have something under my belt. I should be job searching because I have been given skills that I can use to spread the Gospel. Skills that the Lord gave me so that I might better share his name.

My motivations will fall and get twisted and I'll probably definitely have another panic about the future, but as long as I am aware that the Lord will set work in front of me to proclaim who he is, I'm going to make it.

And, as everyone seems to be telling me lately, it's all going to be okay. 

Bitter to blessed

The old, trite tale is back. I was turned down from something that I really wanted. And I was mad. And disappointed. And frustrated. But I think the strongest emotion that I felt was the embarrassing pain of my pride being crushed.

Because I haven't been turned down from something that I really wanted since freshman year. And while that year sang the bitter tune of feeling rejected, I have not had to experience it since that year. So I was overdue for a good gut check. The pride I have to constantly wage war against started creeping in the cracks of my heart, and I didn't notice until the Lord had to rip it out. Which hurt. 

There were a good few days were I was just really bitter against my situation. It wasn't just that I had been turned down from something that I was so confident that I would get--it was the fact that I had allowed myself to become way too overly confident, to forget the tough lessons I learned my freshman year. I had thought that those lessons would always stick with me for a good long time.

But I'm a person with a heart who tries to beat for Jesus but gets distracted with everything else in the world.

And it filled the cracks pride had held with bitterness.

Then I went to Bible study on Sunday. And we talked about Naomi.

Now this is one homegirl who had cause to be bitter because she lost all the important men in her life and was left with her two daughter-in-laws. She returned to her homeland angry, explaining that she had left full but the Lord took everything she had. She asked people to call her Mara, which means bitter (for those of you who haven't read Redeeming Love). It was devastation for her. It was a loss of everything she held dear.

She reacted like any human would react.

But in doing so, she shunned any potential blessing that the Lord could put on her because she would reject it. She was not available, not in the right state, to recognize that she was being blessed.

Things started to change though. Ruth was put in a position to be blessed by way of Boaz. So Naomi began to reap the benefits of being fed and cared for. She started to move away from the bitterness and into a state of mind where she could see the Lord for who he actually is.

Don't get me wrong, I am by no means comparing myself to Naomi. But I am saying that by assessing my bitterness and putting it into a larger perspective, I am able to see that it 1. doesn't and should determine my actions and 2. there is a love and hope far greater than my shortcomings that is more than sufficient to turn my bitterness to joy.