Tuesday, January 26, 2016

Dusty sandals

Last semester, I was in a class in which we walked through all the covenants God makes with mankind, specifically with the nation of Israel.

And if I took anything away, it was this: God makes good on his promises, but his people do not.

Hence the current state of Israel.

They spent 40 years just wandering around because they did not trust that the Lord would feed them, clothe them, get them to where they're supposed to go. He literally split a sea and dried the ground and like a week later they were worshiping a cow made out of melted gold.

We laugh and scoff ("Those silly Israelites!") but I can't be too quick to judge.

Lately, I've felt a lot like a nearsighted Israelite, distrusting God as I brushed red dirt and sea urchins off my sandals.

There has been no reason for me to think that the next year will be any different than previous years when it comes to the faithfulness of God. He put people in my path to give me a salary this year. He gave me close friends, a strong family, a college that I love, a job, other job prospects, community, a husband. He's grown me, shown me how to trust and love and have peace. He's built me up, humbled me, comforted me, strengthened me.

And it doesn't take much to have me running in the opposite direction of him when fear grips my heart. It is all too natural for me to think I've hit a quota on my "good gifts" from the Lord and shoulder all my junk and try to go forward.

Instead, I very rapidly end up careening into some kind of emotional breakdown. Aka the opposite of productive and faithful.

When I don't feel like I have much to sing hallelujah about, I pray for the few things I do have to be multiplied (and I listen to "Multiplied" by Needtobreathe because I did not come up with that on my own).

So maybe I should leave the dust on the sandals as reminders of faithfulness that has been shown and promises of faithfulness still yet to come.

Sunday, January 24, 2016

Since my last post

Time has simultaneously flown by and dragged on.

It's been like that for the last several years, and I'm beginning to think that this isn't just a phase, but my reality.

And, really, I can't decide if I like it or not.

Blogspot is telling me that my last post was before my 24th birthday, which is weird, because it feels like my birthday was ages ago. Since that point, I've planned (or helped my mom plan) a good amount of my wedding (weird), gone to a foreign country in which I knew nothing about the language, and learned that you could train an almost-two-year-old to sing Adele's "Hello." Yes, you may refer to my flower girl as Adellie. She's quite talented.

She also legitimately thinks her name is "Ellie Bug" because we call her that so often. Win.

Anyways.

My fiance and I have been pining away at the days, wishing they would speed up so I could officially be Linley Stringer, and forgetting that there is great joy in the waiting. And while I know only a little bit more about being married than I did about the country I visited, I do know this:

The Lord has given me a great hope in the future of being in His kingdom, but that does not dismiss me from living in the now. Engagement is a process. Planning for the future is a process. And there is room for error all over the place. But I cannot be outside the will of God if I commit myself to following Him.

So let's stop wasting time by staring at the ticking hand of the clock, waiting for that "one thing" that will bring us ___________.

It's only Jesus. It will only ever be Jesus to fill our hearts.