Wednesday, November 30, 2011

My testimony. A less jumbled, more coherent version

So I was asked to give my testimony at my Bible study tonight and it was rough. I randomly started crying for absolutely no reason and was jumbled. I lost my train of thought about a hundred times in ten minutes and was awkward and weird and it was just bad. I'm sure all the girls in there were thinking, "What the heck?" and not following me at all. It was a mess. So here's what I actually wanted to say.

To be cliche, I grew up in a Christian home. I accepted Christ and was baptized at age eight and, in my little eight year old mind, I really do think that I completely understood what being a follower of Christ was. However, my faith did not become my own until I hit high school. Middle school was a rough time, not unlike most people, so when I was in high school, I decided that all things middle school were bad and was completely ready to start taking life seriously as pertaining to my grades, my relationships, and my faith.

At that point in my life, I thought I was so done with being immature and that I had a little bit of growing to do in my faith, but that I had pretty much hit my spiritual growth spurt and was done. But I was so far past wrong. That was when God really started to become a forefront in my mind. He let me be what I thought was the "model Christian girl" for my freshman year (as I got out of the awkward phases) but then he turned my world upside down as I entered tenth grade.

That was when He showed me that middle schoolers were not supposed to be laughed at or ignored or made fun of. He put it on my heart to be a mentor to the very girls I'd scorned. So I did. Starbucks dates, lunch meetings, texts. It was great and such a blessing. This continued throughout my junior as I learned how important community was.

My senior year of high school, I became a leader for my city's Wyld Life, which is Young Life for middle school students. See what I mean when I said God took my disliking for middle schoolers and turned it on it's head? Being able to serve my community by being a Godly leader was such a blessing. I also student taught at a middle school in the city and would frequently see some of my students come through, which was such a great ministering opportunity. I also began to lead a 7th grade girl's Bible study with one of my best friends. I honestly don't know who learned more from that, those 6 girls or Meredith and I.

During this time, I was part of a large youth choir (I'm an awful singer--I was in it for the service and fellowship) and we did service projects and an annual mission trip to somewhere in the US. We were called 86:12 after Psalms 86:12, which says "I will praise you, oh Lord, my God, with all of my heart, I will glorify your name forever." With 86:12, I went to El Paso, TX, Pueblo, CO, Memphis, TN, New Orleans, LA, McAllen, TX, Atlanta, GA, and New York City, New York. Seven years, from 6th through 12th grade, I made unbelievable friends, had awesome mentors, and created amazing memories. My whole family was a part of it, my younger brother and sister members with me and my parents being leaders. It was such a blessing to be part of a 200 person youth group and have such an unreal community. I loved it and I miss it so much.

One of the major steps in my faith was going to Kenya. It popped the perfect bubble I floated in for eighteen years. I saw some of the most extreme poverty in the world, held kids who wouldn't get dinner that night, and told Bible stories to kids who had never heard them. We bought mattresses for orphans who slept on the floor with threadbare blankets. However, I learned that reliance on God isn't based on your physical needs. These Kenyans were happy with what they had--which was close to nothing. Yet they had joy. Joy, I've learned, should not be determined by our circumstances.

Now, in college, I've been educated in ways that do not include lecture halls and homework assignments (but I'm learning things there too, don't worry, Mom and Dad). I've learned what it means to forfeit my plan for His, because if He doesn't want to me do it, He'll let me know. He carries me when I can't walk (or won't walk). He opens doors and they're there to walk through if I walk with Him. And I'm learning that not only does He sustain me, but He protects, leads, and, above all, loves me. Right now, I don't need anything else (despite what I hear from the world).

I'm learning how to deal with rejection and fear only by Christ alone and running to Him first is becoming priority. Truthfully, I'm not there yet. But I'm getting there.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." Phil. 4:6-7

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Another hit, another lesson

So, I've applied to 3 summer camps to be a counselor for. Sky Ranch, Pine Cove, and Laity Lodge. I've been rejected from Sky already and probably won't get the Pine Cove one because my interview just felt about average and I know that the interview is pretty important. I won't hear back from Laity Lodge until around March and haven't interviewed with them yet.

When I got my Sky letter of rejection, I sat in my friend's room and sobbed. To say I wanted to work there badly was an understatement. And that letter was just another one to add to my growing pile of rejections.

I'm just so sick of it. Of all the leadership positions, scholarships, and other various applications I've filled out, I can think of 3 that I've gotten: A&M, my church scholarship, and my church leadership team (which doesn't reject anyone). I'm tired of being average among a sea of exceptional. I'm weary of people getting what I want. It's so tired and so old. Why can't I be like my friends who seemingly get everything? What's wrong with me? Or, a darker question, what isn't wrong with me? Because it doesn't feel like I've got a lot going for me sometimes.

I've been asking God why He takes so many opportunities away from me, including the ones to glorify Him, like being a counselor at a Christian camp. I've been mad and annoyed at Him over it, wondering what the issue is. Why, for once, can't something go how I want it to?

But I'm slowly coming to realize that it isn't me. I'm not a problem. There's just something else I'm supposed to be doing. God's just different plans for me that don't involve Sky Ranch. They might involve Pine Cove or Laity Lodge. I don't know. Maybe I was relying on myself to get Sky Ranch. Whatever the reason, I'm not supposed to be there. All the rejection I've experienced has been God guiding me where I'm supposed to go. I was supposed to go to A&M, though my grades in high school didn't guarantee that I'd get in. That was such a God thing and I've found 4 fantastic best friends, closer to me than any I've ever had and who challenge me in my faith.

I'm broken, yes. And I'm being taught that I'm not as plain as I see myself, but my self-image still needs work. I'm far from average in most aspects of my life, but it's hard for me to see that a lot of times when I have friends who I think are prettier, smarter, more coordinated, or more personable than I am. Jealousy can eat at me. I pick at my faults constantly. I'm insecure on a deep level but have people who love me enough to look me in the eye and honestly say, "You are beautiful and exactly how you're supposed to be." At my worst, though, I have a hard time believing it.

I'm made in the image of God, who is flawless and stunningly beautiful. He's perfection. Yet He has been, is, and will be rejected. But that doesn't make Him any less perfect or lovely. Just like when I'm told a striking "no" it doesn't mean I'm not good enough.

I will still be hurt if I'm rejected from either of these camps and I'll probably still sink right back into my painful feelings of being unwanted. But the fact of the matter is that I'm loved regardless of what happens to me or what I do (or can't do). No one can tell me who I am because I am defined by the Lord. No one is over His authority.

Rejection hurts. Christ heals. Which do you think overrides the other?

Trust me, I'm preaching to myself more than anyone else on this one.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Appreciative

College makes you thankful for a lot of really random things. So here's a list of things that I love about home that college just doesn't quite have (in no particular order)

1. My parents. Completely irreplaceable. Totally amazing. Hilarious. Spoil me when I get home. I love them.

2. Familiar streets that I could drive with my eyes closed. I wouldn't. But I could.

3. A flood of memories with everywhere I go.

4. No game day traffic.

5. Less wait at restaurants every Saturday.

6. My church. There's just no place like VRBC.

7. A shower with real water pressure.

8. Tanner and Leslie.

9. Home cooked food and a real pantry.

10. Actually comfortable furniture.

11. Carpet.

12. My own room.

13. Old, embarrassing pictures all over the place.


I love, love, love college. But Dorothy nailed it: there's just no place like home.

Friday, November 18, 2011

Free writing and the randomness that comes of it

So, in my English class, we were having some real difficulties paying attention. So she gave us two options to write for ten minutes on: your latest dream or a superpower you would want. I chose the latter because my last dream was a nightmare about me getting my wisdom teeth out and I didn't want to relive that particular nightmare for a third time. So here's my really random free write. Do not be alarmed.


I would totally have the power to teleport. Being able to just picture a place and be there would be absolutely unbelievable. I mean, you could go get lunch in Italy, tea in France, and then dessert back in Italy in one day. Heck, you could do it in an hour (if you ate fast, of course). How awesome would that be?

And traffic? Forget it. you wouldn't even need to have to buy plane tickets anymore. So long to bag checks, long lines, and crabby flight attendants. You would never have to sprint to class or hike all the way up those ramps to get to your 3rd deck seat at Kyle Field. All you would have to do is picture the place you want to go, close you eyes, and be there. 


Personally, I would still do normal things like drive and walk to my classes (unless there was too much traffic or it was raining or I was late). But I would definitely forego the stairs I have to climb to get to my 4th floor room or not ride my bike to my car, all the way across campus. Life would be exciting and easier with the ability to teleport. I could travel the world and not get jetlag. I could visit family without putting $60 of gas in my car.

Then again...I would probably become really lazy and fat because I wouldn't be walking from my room to my car. That would be a bummer. I guess I would just have to teleport to the rec center then.

Monday, November 14, 2011

20

I am now into day 2 of my twentieth year. The earth has gone around the sun 20 times in my life. I've been through 2 decades. I'm in my "twenties", the young, professional phase of my life. Weirdness. I just sound so dang old. So in celebration of my short-ish life, here's a list of events year by year over the past twenty.

1. I was born to Mike and Karen McCord, and became the first of three children.

2. I moved to San Antonio where I got my first busted lip, setting the tone for my future lack of coordination.

3. I got a brother.

4. I moved to Tennessee and learned how to work a VCR to the extent that I could get out of bed at 3 in the morning and put in a movie.

5. I got a sister.

6. I started kindergarten.

7. I got my first pet fish.

8. I accepted Christ into my heart.

9. My country was attacked for the first time in my life.

10. My long stint of orthodontic work began. Ohh the headgear...

11. I began the awkward years.

12. I went to Disney World for the first time.

13. I went on my first mission trip with 86:12.

14. I wrote a book.

15. I got my first kiss.

16. I became a hazard to society in the form of a teenager with a car.

17. I helped to build a house.

18. I went to Africa to love on those who didn't feel loved.

19. I went on my last mission trip with 86:12. Never forget New York.

20. I started college.

And that just scratches the surface.

Twenty down, ?? more to go. All in His plan.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Wow, God is so ridiculous.

So for all you 86:12ers, I'm sure you fondly recall the prayer stations of New York this past summer. I was freaking out about it, so dreading that Thursday. However, I ended up absolutely loving that site (it was my favorite thing we did in New York that week) and really wanted to do it again. It was such an unbelievable experience and such a test of faith. It was answering a huge question: how bold are you for Christ? Of course that's completely out of people's comfort zones--I'm not at all discrediting those who totally disliked that site because y'all can bless others in ways that I can't. But I loved the empowerment that I felt in that through Christ, like He was really going before me and strengthening me. But then Thursday ended and that was that I thought. I got on the subway and headed back to Hoboken. I slipped back into being "normal" and not pursuing after people with a passion for the Lord, wanting to spread His love in the way that I knew I could. I thought that was my last time to ever randomly ask someone if I can pray for them and, honestly, I was okay with that.

Well, God obviously wasn't. Not even close.

I joined this organization at A&M called Aggie Sisters for Christ (ASC) and we have to do 3 outreach projects a semester. On Monday, one was put out there for going to Academic Plaza (center of campus) and asking people if there was anything we can pray for them about. And I was just thinking, "Oh my gosh. Is this really happening? God, you are RIDICULOUS." I was pumped and was the first one to sign up. Besides, I explained to the other girls who were doing it, after chasing after men in business suits for 4 hours in front of Madison Square Garden, this was going to be easy.

God just ignited this fire and I jumped in head first, bright and early Thursday morning. I was so happy to be doing this again and so thankful that He'd given me this opportunity. In New York, I never had any "cool" stories or anything. I talked to plenty of people, but no one was really intensely struggling--a lot of job interviews and family problems. But I honestly think that God gave me a generally positive and "easy" (as in, no one cussed me out or had any really heavy stuff) day in New York to prepare me for my day in Aggieland.

Early on in my two hour shift, I asked this woman, she was probably about 21 years old, if she had anything I could pray for her about. She quickly said, "No thanks" and rushed off. I kind of blew it off. I mean, she was nicer than how some of the people in NY had been, so I wasn't really fazed. I told her to have a great day and continued on with my morning. Then about 30 minutes later, she comes walking back in front of the Academic Building, headed straight at me. She then apologized and said that she was late to work and her boss had been texting her and she felt really bad about being short with me and that there was something pretty major in her life going on that needed prayer. One of her best friends, Jerri-Lynn has two children and is currently in an abusive relationship. The woman's mother (not Jerri-Lynn's) was helping her out but it was just a terrible situation. This woman started crying in the midst of telling me. It broke my heart but I was so thankful that God put me there to listen. The New York prayer station was my prep work for my A&M one.

It was such a surreal day and I so felt God at my side all day. I had great conversations and was thanked multiple times, but it was never me. God was just using me in such an incredible way and it was just awesome.