So I was asked to give my testimony at my Bible study tonight and it was rough. I randomly started crying for absolutely no reason and was jumbled. I lost my train of thought about a hundred times in ten minutes and was awkward and weird and it was just bad. I'm sure all the girls in there were thinking, "What the heck?" and not following me at all. It was a mess. So here's what I actually wanted to say.
To be cliche, I grew up in a Christian home. I accepted Christ and was baptized at age eight and, in my little eight year old mind, I really do think that I completely understood what being a follower of Christ was. However, my faith did not become my own until I hit high school. Middle school was a rough time, not unlike most people, so when I was in high school, I decided that all things middle school were bad and was completely ready to start taking life seriously as pertaining to my grades, my relationships, and my faith.
At that point in my life, I thought I was so done with being immature and that I had a little bit of growing to do in my faith, but that I had pretty much hit my spiritual growth spurt and was done. But I was so far past wrong. That was when God really started to become a forefront in my mind. He let me be what I thought was the "model Christian girl" for my freshman year (as I got out of the awkward phases) but then he turned my world upside down as I entered tenth grade.
That was when He showed me that middle schoolers were not supposed to be laughed at or ignored or made fun of. He put it on my heart to be a mentor to the very girls I'd scorned. So I did. Starbucks dates, lunch meetings, texts. It was great and such a blessing. This continued throughout my junior as I learned how important community was.
My senior year of high school, I became a leader for my city's Wyld Life, which is Young Life for middle school students. See what I mean when I said God took my disliking for middle schoolers and turned it on it's head? Being able to serve my community by being a Godly leader was such a blessing. I also student taught at a middle school in the city and would frequently see some of my students come through, which was such a great ministering opportunity. I also began to lead a 7th grade girl's Bible study with one of my best friends. I honestly don't know who learned more from that, those 6 girls or Meredith and I.
During this time, I was part of a large youth choir (I'm an awful singer--I was in it for the service and fellowship) and we did service projects and an annual mission trip to somewhere in the US. We were called 86:12 after Psalms 86:12, which says "I will praise you, oh Lord, my God, with all of my heart, I will glorify your name forever." With 86:12, I went to El Paso, TX, Pueblo, CO, Memphis, TN, New Orleans, LA, McAllen, TX, Atlanta, GA, and New York City, New York. Seven years, from 6th through 12th grade, I made unbelievable friends, had awesome mentors, and created amazing memories. My whole family was a part of it, my younger brother and sister members with me and my parents being leaders. It was such a blessing to be part of a 200 person youth group and have such an unreal community. I loved it and I miss it so much.
One of the major steps in my faith was going to Kenya. It popped the perfect bubble I floated in for eighteen years. I saw some of the most extreme poverty in the world, held kids who wouldn't get dinner that night, and told Bible stories to kids who had never heard them. We bought mattresses for orphans who slept on the floor with threadbare blankets. However, I learned that reliance on God isn't based on your physical needs. These Kenyans were happy with what they had--which was close to nothing. Yet they had joy. Joy, I've learned, should not be determined by our circumstances.
Now, in college, I've been educated in ways that do not include lecture halls and homework assignments (but I'm learning things there too, don't worry, Mom and Dad). I've learned what it means to forfeit my plan for His, because if He doesn't want to me do it, He'll let me know. He carries me when I can't walk (or won't walk). He opens doors and they're there to walk through if I walk with Him. And I'm learning that not only does He sustain me, but He protects, leads, and, above all, loves me. Right now, I don't need anything else (despite what I hear from the world).
I'm learning how to deal with rejection and fear only by Christ alone and running to Him first is becoming priority. Truthfully, I'm not there yet. But I'm getting there.
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." Phil. 4:6-7
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