Bitter to blessed

The old, trite tale is back. I was turned down from something that I really wanted. And I was mad. And disappointed. And frustrated. But I think the strongest emotion that I felt was the embarrassing pain of my pride being crushed.

Because I haven't been turned down from something that I really wanted since freshman year. And while that year sang the bitter tune of feeling rejected, I have not had to experience it since that year. So I was overdue for a good gut check. The pride I have to constantly wage war against started creeping in the cracks of my heart, and I didn't notice until the Lord had to rip it out. Which hurt. 

There were a good few days were I was just really bitter against my situation. It wasn't just that I had been turned down from something that I was so confident that I would get--it was the fact that I had allowed myself to become way too overly confident, to forget the tough lessons I learned my freshman year. I had thought that those lessons would always stick with me for a good long time.

But I'm a person with a heart who tries to beat for Jesus but gets distracted with everything else in the world.

And it filled the cracks pride had held with bitterness.

Then I went to Bible study on Sunday. And we talked about Naomi.

Now this is one homegirl who had cause to be bitter because she lost all the important men in her life and was left with her two daughter-in-laws. She returned to her homeland angry, explaining that she had left full but the Lord took everything she had. She asked people to call her Mara, which means bitter (for those of you who haven't read Redeeming Love). It was devastation for her. It was a loss of everything she held dear.

She reacted like any human would react.

But in doing so, she shunned any potential blessing that the Lord could put on her because she would reject it. She was not available, not in the right state, to recognize that she was being blessed.

Things started to change though. Ruth was put in a position to be blessed by way of Boaz. So Naomi began to reap the benefits of being fed and cared for. She started to move away from the bitterness and into a state of mind where she could see the Lord for who he actually is.

Don't get me wrong, I am by no means comparing myself to Naomi. But I am saying that by assessing my bitterness and putting it into a larger perspective, I am able to see that it 1. doesn't and should determine my actions and 2. there is a love and hope far greater than my shortcomings that is more than sufficient to turn my bitterness to joy.