Being held.

So. I ride the bus to and from school. Like middle school, except I don't look as awkward and actually have friends now.

Anyways. While on the bus, I play Russian Roulette with my iPod and see what interesting music I've put on there over the years. Through iPod to iPod, all my songs have stayed relatively the same and only recently did I do a mass purge of the 100 ancient MercyMe songs that kept coming up.

The other day, I was plugged in and the songs "Alive Again" by Matt Maher and "By Your Side" by Tenth Avenue North came up back to back. And I just had this really vivid mental picture of me being literally held by a very large pair of hands (specifically God's hands).

Okay so you picture it now.

God carrying you through life and you are just having a nice conversation with him and you're just hanging out in the hands. You feel really safe and have zero worries. He gives you everything you need and y'all are just having a good old time, loving each other and being great friends.

Then you stand up in the hands and check out what's around you. God shows you where to look and you're like, "Oh yeah, that's awesome!" and then you get distracted. There's this guy/girl (your preference) who is really attractive and gives you this smile. You realize that you're single and that you really want to be with that person. Obviously, God knows you've completely zoned out but you keep hearing him say something. You ignore him. I mean, he made that person too. Why wouldn't he want you to be with them? So you hop out of the hands and go hang out with this person. God is following you, still talking, but you aren't focused on him right now. Time goes by. This person breaks your heart. You're alone again. You spin around and God is still right behind you. He offers you his hands. You climb back in. You cry, apologize, ask for forgiveness, which he does. You start to feel better and more comfortable. You settle back in, hanging with him and loving it. He tells you that the time was not ready, that there is a season for everything. (Ecclesiastes 3).

You feel less vulnerable now and decide to check out the scenery again. There's this group of people who look really cool. There's no other way to describe it. They just exude that something that you want. But they probably don't stand for what you do...maybe you can tell them about God? You decide on that course of action and jump out but make sure God is behind you. The second you get in with that group, you forget about him though. You start doing things you never thought you'd do. They tease you and make you feel worthless but you think you'd even be more worthless without them, so you stay. You feel trapped, so you do everything you can to numb it. You wake up one morning and don't know where you are or what you've been doing to yourself. You feel someone pick you up and panic because you've learned to not trust anyone, including your friends. But these hands are gentle and you know who it is. You're deeply ashamed, but stay with him. Again, you beg for him to forgive you and are so relieved when he does. (Galatians 3:26).

When he's nursed you back and you feel secure in him again, you begin to look at yourself. You realize why that group didn't like you--you're ugly, you're stupid, you aren't funny, you're good to be the brunt of the jokes, people feel better about themselves when they're around you because you're just so pathetic. You get depressed and turn your anger to God. How could he make you this way? Wasn't he supposed to be perfect? Why'd he mess up with you? He looks at you in disbelief and takes the distorted mirror you've been looking in and throws it so far you can't see where it landed. Then he gives you a proper one. You realize that you have a good smile and bright eyes. You don't hate your body. You make a goofy comment and God laughs. He delights in you. He loves you. (Psalm 139).

Where you struggle, he strengthens (2 Corinthians 12). Where you fall, he forgives (Ephesians 1:7). And his love is vast, unending, and perfect (Ephesians 2:4-5).