One Step Ahead

Well team. It's February. And I still have zero solid plans for what post-grad life is going to look like. No clue really. There are things that I think would be cool to do, but I don't know how to get to those places or who to talk to or how to be an adult. I have a firm handshake, a good support system, and a big God, but sometimes that doesn't feel like enough.

Foolishly, I believe that those things (particularly the last thing) are inadequate for carrying me into the next phase of life.

Believing that lie immediately leads me to picture myself in a dark, circular room. I know there are doors that I just have to try and open, but I can't find the doors, and even if I did, would I have the courage to try the knob? So I just end up running around and banging into walls before feeling drained and hopeless about the large, ambiguous future.

I am not called to live this way. Ecclesiastes 7 commands me to not trust on my own wisdom and righteousness because doing so would label me a fool--ironic, isn't it? Trying to glean wisdom by myself makes me look like an idiot. But that's exactly what I've been trying to do. I've been digging around in my head to figure out what the heck I want to do after May when all I have to do is let go.  

The future is big, too big for me to do on my own, and will always be one step ahead of me.

For the record, that is not a wisdom bomb that I dropped on myself.

I know it's all going to be okay. The future is going to come, and keep coming, and there's only so much I can do to prepare for it--which isn't much. But trusting in the one individual who can stand by my side as life happens is the one thing I can safely hold onto.

Christ is sufficient for me.