Rejection is quite possibly my least favorite thing in the world. Speaking from too much experience.
Job applications, leadership groups, scholarships...you name it, I've been denied it (from an application standpoint anyway). And it has been far from enjoyable. It's been frustrating and annoying and degrading, making me feel completely inadequate for any future attempts at applying for something. It's been so discouraging that I've found myself not applying to certain things because I feel positive that I won't get it and that it would only be adding to my growing pile of rejection letters and emails.
At A&M, there's a Christian fish camp (orientation camp) called Impact. As a Christian who feels the desire and need to serve others by mentoring them and helping to grow their faith, I thought that was something I wanted to be part of. I went to Impact myself and loved it and by the end of it, I was already planning to apply when applications came out.
Tonight I went to an informational about it. And the room--that probably holds about 250 people--was absolutely packed, to the point where we were breaking fire code. I went in and just felt so insignificant and intimidated. Impact only chooses 420 people to be counselors. Some of those spots are already taken because of past counselors. The odds, as always, are so stacked against me. I wanted to be a counselor, but fear of rejection gripped me, overpowering my desire to be a counselor.
At the very end of the informational, one of the executive leaders prayed before we were dismissed. In the middle of the prayer, I decided that I wasn't going to apply because I wouldn't get a position. All my insecurities and fear took over. And right after I thought that, the girl who was praying said "...and don't let any insecurities or fear of rejection stop anyone here from applying because you know that none of us are perfect and you can use us anyway..."
I don't think I breathed until I got halfway down the stairs. I've had a few very convicting moments in my day, and this was certainly one of them. Does it mean that I'm for sure going to get the opportunity to be a counselor? Not by any means. Maybe this will be another learning experience of patience and perseverance, sticking to the promise that God has other things for me than Impact. But maybe it means that the waiting is over. Maybe this is the reward for being patient. Who knows? I sure don't. But I'm going to put myself out there while falling back on the one who holds my heart. Doing both is a lot easier than you might think.
"Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope." Romans 5:3-4
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