EPIPHANY.

Ah-ha! I've figured it out! Everyone snap for me. I've done it.

I have officially figured out my absolute worst fear.

That's something to be proud of, right? Oh wait...no.

Today during Shattered Dreams, it really hit me what my worst fear was (no, it's not snakes or the dark or bugs). My worst fear is loss. Not death. Loss. There's a difference.

As a follower and believer of Jesus Christ, I have no reason to fear death. 1st Corinthians 15:55 asks "Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?" Because I have complete faith in my Lord and Savior, I should not be afraid to go to a place of total perfection. That's not to say that I want to die right this very minute, but I won't be scared of it.

Loss, however, is a different matter. They're closely related ("Sorry for your loss") but not the same. And I"m not talking the "Agh! I lost my phone!" kind of loss either. I'm talking the loss of a friend or family member--some to things worse than death, like betrayal or poor decisions. Something that rips you and that other person apart is what is so scary to me.

Or, even beyond that. A loss of security, a loss of familiarity, a loss of love. Frankly, any of those are worse than death.

Today, my high school experienced fictitious loss. But with the graphic display of this loss via death, I lost my trust with others. Now, I'm concerned about people that I know drink and what decisions they'll make. Did they see their friends acting dead today? Did they see the white sheets go over their heads? Did they see the hearses? Did they feel the heartache?

I also lost my sense of security on the road...at night. What if I'm a victim? What if I end up in the wrong place at the wrong time?

What if my parents get that phone call?


That's all I could think about tonight on my way home.

And it really freaks me out. A lot.

"He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain for the old order of things has passed away. He who is seated on the throne said, 'I am making everything new!'" Revelation 21:4-5