I've realized that girls in the 21st century have a problem: we pursue boys. We're not supposed to. It's tradition. The boys chase the girls. It's Biblical. Girls need to let the boy come to them. And girls are straying away from that.
This needs to stop, ASAP.
My first relationship (and, to date, my only one) was brought about by my initiative. At the time, it wasn't weird. Or, I didn't think of it as weird. But others did. And now I look back and think, "Well that relationship was great, but he needed to chase me. I didn't let him do that." So now I'm turning to You, God, do put Mr. Right in my life.
Because, let's be honest, he's not going to come any other way, right? Right.
Proverbs 31:30 is one of my verses that I try to live my life by. It says this: "Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised." Get what that's saying?
I can be as cute and flirty and whatever as I want. But I won't be like that all the time. Or even most of the time. My happy attitude is deceptive, because I (along with many of my other friends) am a pro at pretending I'm okay. I should win some acting award. I can put on a good face and be that charming young lady you would expect me to be. But, more often than I'll admit, I'm faking it.
And as for the fleeting beauty? My worldly beauty flees when I get out of the shower. I mean really. No makeup, my hair is crazy, and I'm normally wearing pajamas and glasses and my retainer. No one wants to see me looking like that--not even me. But even when I'm looking my best, makeup done perfectly and hair straightened just right, it'll go away. But despite my changing appearance, I'm the same person. And I still have faith in You. That never leaves. So, men of the world, if you're attracted to how I look, you will be let down. Because I will uglify myself in due time.
But, God, I do fear You. I fear You and I love You and I put my faith in You. You know me inside and out. I can't hide from You--it is literally impossible. You see my darkest thoughts and my best hair days.
So, God, here's what I'm doing. I want you to take my love life. It is now Yours. I don't want any control over it whatsoever. Because, as I have come to realize, every time I want to make some boy "like" me, it doesn't happen. Because I wasn't made to get some boy to "like" me. That would be Your job. And, clearly, Sir Husband has not arrived yet. And I'm okay with that. More than okay with that. I'm not ready for him yet. We both know that. I get that I probably won't know when I actually am ready for him. But You will. And that's when he'll come and chase me. That's when he'll do things he would never do for any other girl. You'll tell him the time is right just like You'll prep me for him.
God, I'm excited for that. I'm giddy with just the thought of You putting that guy in my life at just the right time. Because, God, I'm so through with chasing the guy. I'm done. Hold me to this promise. Make sure I keep it, or try to. I'm going to a school that's 60% guys and it's a golden opportunity to find my man if I really go looking. But I don't want to go looking. So I won't. I'm going to be...Linley. I'm going to be me who is waiting patiently for her husband to come but I won't be avidly searching for him, looking far and wide. Nope. I'm going to live. And You'll ready him to chase and You'll ready me to be caught.
I'm trusting you with this, God. Because You did it for my parents. Because You did it for my grandparents. Because You've done it for countless other couples who have influence on my life. So here's my box labeled "BOYS" that I haven't ever let you have before. Ta-da! Happy New Year! Merry Christmas! I'm finally giving it up. And, remember, a gift given is a gift given--no returns.
So, God, I wrote this a Pine Cove this summer. And I don't really know why I feel like it applies here. Maybe because I'm Your creation. I don't know. But I just feel like putting it here:
Creation is not only proof that a magnificent God exists, but a testament in itself telling how powerful He is.
So yeah. I don't know why I felt like putting that.
And now, I will pray for Mr. Hubby.
God, You know him. You know him so well. And, hopefully, he knows you too. I don't know where he is. I don't know how old he is. I don't know what he's interested in. I don't know what color his hair is or if he bites his nails. I don't know if he's tight with his siblings or if he even has siblings. I don't know his initials. I know nothing about this guy who I will one day pledge my love to. I'm going to be honest and admit that the last statement freaks me out. But I want You to let him know, somehow, that I'm praying for him. That I already, in a weird sort of way, love him. And, if he recognizes that You're telling him this, that he'll write it down. God, I pray that you bless him and protect him. Prepare his heart to love me like You love me. Give him the discipline to respect You and, therefore, me. Give him a desire to be a Godly man, husband, and (someday) father. God, I love You and I trust You. Amen.
Most humbly,
Linley
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